Fearing what keeps us alive

There are many persons in this world that have phobias. True, deep terror at the thought of confronting certain aspects of daily living. Wide open spaces. Closed, confined spaces. Spiders. Snakes. Oxygen.

Yep, that was a new one for me: anemophobia, the fear of oxygen.

As strange as that sounds to me, it got me thinking. To me, anemophobia is fear of something that is necessary for our survival, that keeps us alive.

I think there are many of us that possess fears such as this. Maybe not of oxygen, but fear of another necessity for living. Absolutely essential for our survival.

Love.

Whether we would care to admit it or not, love is a life force. It keeps us alive both physically and spiritually. Whether we are talking about having love, pursuing love, or grieving over lost love, in all capacities, it is necessary for us to survive as a human species.

However, there are those of us in this world that have a love phobia; fear of love. Even though these persons know that they need it in their lives, they fear it just as much. And not just a timidity about it, a nervousness and feeling that love is hard to come by, hard to achieve, and often not worth the energy or possible hurt of it all. I am talking deeper and more complex than that.

Love phobia; those that are so terrified about love coming into their lives, or staying in their lives, that they avoid it at all costs. They have an isolative existence; they do their best not to connect with others. They act as if they don’t need other people, they busy themselves, they get buried in careers or parties or activities that may have some joy in them, but have a hollowness to them as well.

I have known these individuals in my lifetime. I have known them to be very deep, profound individuals, capable of the greatest of love, to give and to receive. However, they are deathly afraid of it. They are so deeply imbedded with this phobia that they feel paralyzed without it, yet fear it so deeply they avoid it.

And, their lives, though busy, are empty in many ways. Empty because they are void of true, deep intimacy with other people. They don’t know others and others truly don’t know them.

There is a deep sadness to that.

However, people get over their phobias every single day. We each have it within our power to face our fears, and then, to overcome them. We can do that. Truly, we can.

To live without a love phobia, still invokes a bit of fear. To live authentically, to let others know who you truly are, elicits fright in us all. However, the result is true connection with others, true human companionship, true love of self, first and foremost, as well as true love of others.

There is magic, wonder, balance, and absolute bliss in an open heart with true love in it.

Fear of love, fear of oxygen, both of these can bring about a death of sorts. In my life, I need to leave all phobias behind, to walk into my future with an open heart, a full soul, and anything in this world available to me.

It is awesome.

Write where you are

Yesterday, I had a strong desire to write. And write. And write. Yet, I was at my desk at work, sneaking time here and there on Facebook, ideas swirling around in my head, hankering for my desk at home and trusty laptop. So, on Facebook, through my status for the day, I sought advice.

The best advice that I got was from a former college mate, Kate, who suggested “write where you are”. So simple. Yet, so telling for me.

It has become almost second nature for me to truly be where I am. Enjoy the moment. Face the challenge of the setting, or situation, and tackle it one moment at a time. But, in having the desire to write, and to not be where I was at the time, I wasn’t staying present. I wasn’t in the moment. Instead, I was wishing it away, wanting something else besides what I had before me.

So, when I read Kate’s sage advice to “write where you are”, I interpreted it in two, very dramatic ways.

First, simply write at the location that you are currently at. Don’t let the fact that you are not at home keep you from what doing what you are being called to do. And, for those types of needs, I carry with me at all times a journal notebook that my girls gave me for my birthday this summer, for that very reason. So, when I am inspired by an idea to write about, I have it handy to jot down for later. So, I truly could write where I was at the time.

Second, her words reminded me to be PRESENT. To stay right where I was at that moment. To make the best of it and take what I could from it. That rang so true with me when I read it yesterday. I guess I must have needed to hear it, or read it, or remember it again. Although I try to be ever present, much of the time, I fall short often. Consumed by what I feel like I need to do. I am getting better at it, but the reminder is never lost on me, because it is always well timed to when I most need to hear it.

I can see what I want and need coming to fruition, in each moment that I allow myself to be present and take in what the Universe is currently offering up to me. I know that what lies in this very moment is preparing me for what comes next.

So, from now on, I will certainly do my best, to write, where ever I am. Be still. Be present.

BE.

Front seat conversation

I have a bumper sticker on the back of my car, for months now, that says, “I love love. I support gay marriage.” Simple message, yet loaded at the same time. In all of the months that I have had it on there, I have only seen two other cars with it on; and I have travelled a LOT of miles since that time. Not many persons seem to want to advertise what their thoughts are on this important issue.

However, every time that I get behind the wheel, I am acutely aware of what is on my bumper. And, I consider the car that is travelling behind me. I drive several miles to and from work; I travel from my office to other destinations; I sit in traffic a lot. So, there are many chances for other drivers behind me to get close enough and read the message.

I often wonder, I mean, I ALWAYS wonder, what kind of conversation does this muster in the front seats of the cars that are behind me? I mean, there are times that the driver behind me is alone in the car, and I have seen at least one driver who was actually mouthing the wording of my bumper sticker out loud in her car one day. It was kind of charming. Funny thing is, the sticker is actually “I heart heart. I support gay marriage.” There are two hearts for the words, love, yet, people know that. That day, the woman in the car was mouthing “I love love.” Cool.

When there is a driver and a passenger, or, more than one passenger, in the car behind me, I often am curious about what is being said about the sticker, presuming that they have seen it and read it. My guess is, most drivers that are close enough to my bumper to read it, DO. And, face it, everyone has an opinion about gay marriage. Gay rights. Gay, PERIOD. I wonder if the conversation is one of compassion, anger or hatred. I wonder if there exists understanding, or if the front seat conversation seeks understanding. I wonder if prayers are recited, or vile words are repeated. Or, if a person in a passenger seat heaves a huge sigh of relief, that there are people out in the world who are on their side. It kinda sucks that I have to feel appreciative when people stand up for gay persons, that aren’t gay themselves. Frankly, it doesn’t happen often enough, at least not up to this point.

I was at a holiday event with our daughter over the weekend, here in our little town, at the Fire Hall. A woman sitting next to me, whom I had met through our church, was inquiring as to whether or not I had written a letter to the editor of the local paper the week before, about the Equality March. She was sure that she had recognized my name, and, my town. Yep, I said. That was me.

She spent the next few minutes telling me how much she liked the letter; that she was so glad that someone was talking about it; that she thought it should not be such a big deal if gay persons wanted to marry; what was the harm? Why were so many people against it? I thanked her for her conversation, and her support. It felt so comforting to know, that it had been read, and that people do understand, care, and want justice.

I know, from my front seat to theirs, I have begun a dialogue, albeit silent in some ways; but minds are being at least challenged, ideas are being introduced; people are talking; and maybe, just maybe, the times are a changing.

Be the change!

I am changed

I am the change

I welcome the change

I need the change

Change is good

Change is life

Change works

Change only works

if we do SOMETHING

Be the change

in thought and word

but also

in deed

indeed

be the change

Have a conversation

write a letter

make a visit

carry a sign

educate a person

LIVE YOUR TRUTH.

The power of Soulforce

About four years ago, I was conducting an online search for resources, mainly, spiritual or religious resources, for LGBT youths/students that offer authentic support to them. There were some organizations and places that I found that seemed genuine. However, there was one particular organization that caught my attention, and kept my attention, the most.

Soulforce.

Soulforce is an organization that believes in nonviolent, passive resistance as a way to get things done on behalf of LGBT persons. Through activism, writings, and their forums, they help others to understand, and also offer active support for those who identify as LGBT, and assist those persons in their coming out. It may sound oversimplified, but it really is difficult for me to put into words how grateful I am for this organization, and the people that I met through it. Soulforce is a life preserver for many who have been damaged by others in the name of religion.

Soulforce, I believe, helped me to find my voice within the LGBT community. I always had a pretty clear idea since I came out who I was as a gay person. Even when I struggled with the coming out process, I kind of knew how I would turn out. However, Soulforce helped me to understand who I was within the LGBT community. It helped me to find out how to speak out, on behalf of my truth and the truth of us all. The need to find equality, the need to be treated fairly. The need to be viewed as beloved.

The need for justice.

But, Soulforce became more than an organization of support for me, more than an education in how to advocate, how to inform, how to protest injustice. Soulforce, by its meaning to me, means to fight injustice not with physical force, but with soul force. To combat inequality with love, compassion, understanding and awareness rather than fists, clubs and weapons. It means, meet those that oppose us with love, self knowing and peace, and seek to inform others rather than fight against them.

So, going to Washington two weeks ago, marching on behalf of myself, and millions of others, I carried the message and lessons and love of Soulforce with me.

Yet, there is more.

I made friends, many good friends, at Soulforce. Sharing stories, support and love. Meeting when we can. Sharing our joys, our sorrows, our peaks and valleys of life. So, a few of us were able to meet up in Washington, D.C. on October 11.

Here we are, after numerous texts to track each other down amidst 200,000 of our closest friends:

Soulforce, as a belief and an organization, has helped me to grow as a person. Has helped me to pursue justice in a more formalized way. I have known since I was very young that I would fight on behalf of those that are oppressed, I just needed to get organized about it. Better informed. Better able to focus my efforts.

Soulforce has helped me to do that. And, in the process, helped me to meet some lifelong friends.

I am eternally grateful for that.

Soulforce.