I am amazed more and more each day, how transparency and truth are changing my life. The more that I allow myself to be truly seen, the more that my life is improving, opening up, growing and changing. I feel it; I see it; I know it in my heart and soul.
I have often in my life been a person who believed that she was transparent; open to others; truthful and fully open with those around me, including my family, friends, intimate relationships. To a degree, that is true; I was telling others my truth at the time. However, there were many parts that I kept hidden. I was hiding for a variety of reasons.
That is quite human for all of us, isn’t it? Hiding our truth from those around us, because we are afraid of how they will respond. Hiding our truth from those closest to us because we don’t think we are worthy to be honest. To be accepted for who we truly are. Hiding our truth and our true selves because we aren’t even sure who we are. Being ashamed. Being in denial. Avoiding.
I am realizing how much all of these forms of hiding are really forms of lying for me. Ways for me to be able to lie to myself about what is truly important to me, and who I truly am.
Speaking my true truth is risky. It is scary. To do so may bring about a negative response from those around me. It might strike up issues for those that I share it with, that they may then feel compelled to deal with. Others might feel confronted, when actually, I am owning my own truth, not assuming theirs. However, we humans are complex creatures, yes? It isn’t quite that simple to sift out what is our stuff, what is someone else’s. It often seems all tumbled together as one big batch of mess. One mess, in my mind, that needs to be sorted through, grain by grain.
I love my loved ones so much, as I always have. However, I know that I have lied, I have deceived them about many things in my life. They may be issues that I have denied, or ones that I don’t recollect easily. Maybe that doesn’t seem like lying, but it is to me. I found a way to deny the truth to myself, and to them, and therefore, part of the person that they knew in me was not authentic. Not transparent.
That is all changing now. Every time I stand on the edge of telling a truth, the full truth as I now know it, I feel scared, unnerved at times. The words barely feel like they will cross my lips. Yet, I stay present, I focus, I believe that no matter what, I can deliver the truth from my heart; I can do it with love, compassion and understanding. And, I can stand firm in it. Because, when I am truly speaking from my heart, allowing it to open more and more to what is really there, I stand behind it, and around it, one hundred percent.
Nothing can shake me.
