Boy, oh boy, do I have shit to clean up in my life about money. For most of my adult life, I have LOVED having credit cards. I love how they look when you get them in the mail; I love how easy it is to shop and get what it is you have been looking for; I love how you can pay just a little bit at a time, so it always seems like you can afford it and can continue to live within your means.
What I am discovering, through this amazing coaching work that I continue to do through Handel Group, the work that will now be the work of my life, from now on, is that my relationship with money and how I view it has been one big LIE. I have lied at times about why I need to spend money; I have lied about my credit amounts; I have lied about my ability to afford something. Now, there I go again, using that great big bad word, LIE. Calling myself a LIAR. It may seem harsh to some of you; not to me.
I choose not to use the words DENIAL or JUSTIFIED, or BECAUSE when it comes to offering some type of explanation about the areas of my life where I have lied (which is many of them). I am choosing not to use any words, but lying and liar, because, for me to change this behavior, to get it on a good, tight leash, I need to call it what it is, with no wiggle room to get out of my responsibility of it all. I have to hold myself accountable to it all.
What is my tally? Well, let’s see. Today was the day that I scheduled to cancel all of my credit cards, store and general, that have no balances on them: NINE. It was also my day to lower my limits on the cards that still have balances: $32,896.00. All credit card debt. TOTALLY gross.
I am taking it down, people. I looked at my budget today, too. I mean, REALLY looked at it. What I make, what I have for regular expenses, monthly and yearly. ALL of it. I am bringing in less than I am putting out; not by much, but there is a definite lack of cash flow there. Never again will I use credit to bail me out of that lack of cash flow hole. That is for certain.
So how am I taking it down? Staying within my budget. Paying off every, single credit card, whether that is through a low interest balance transfer (got approved for one today), consolidation with a personal loan, or just paying above the minimum until they are gone. One of the sickest part of it all, is that if I didn’t have all of this credit card debt that I am paying for every month, I would have an additional $800.00 at my disposal. SERIOUSLY????!!! It is just plain gross, bratty and unnecessary.
I want bigger things in my life, greater dreams for myself, than catering to the whims of my bratty credit card spending self is going to get me. I can live in a budget; I can live within my means; I can have anything that I want and need in this life, and more! I can.
I CAN!
