I have not believed in my ability to dream my dreams, let alone have them, in so long. I think that the last time I really believed in my dreams, was when I first was readying for college. Then, everything seemed possible. I would get my degree, get work in my field, and live in my own place. I would have my own car, travel home to see my family, and one day, have a family of my own. DREAMS!
And, then, as I started to have these initial adult dreams become a reality: graduation from college, apartments as an adult, cars, and partners and a family- I stopped dreaming. I stopped believing that there could be more. That I WANTED more. I was satisfied, satisfied with the beauty of my current life. And, it wasn’t that it wasn’t great, it just wasn’t, isn’t, EVERYTHING. I forgot about the other dreams that were also still calling to me from deep within.
My dream of being a published author.
My dream of travelling all over the world to meet my readers.
My dream to have great physical health and a rocking body.
My dream to have enough money available to me that I wouldn’t have to pinch every penny.
My dream of an open,deep relationship with my family.
My dream of being fully out, loud and proud as a lesbian.
I forgot about all of them, at least for a time. I thought it was too complicated, too much work, too much time, not enough resources, not enough support.
What I am fully realizing now, is that all along, I have been holding the keys to the kingdom. I have been the one in charge of how soon I would realize that these dreams are still meant to be fulfilled. That no dream that I dream is too big, or out of reach. That as long as I can dream it, as long as I have the desire in my mind and my heart, I can make it happen.
There are no more excuses. No more reasons that I could site that are why I am not going after that which I dream of most. No one’s responsibility but my own.
I can stop knocking; the keys to the kingdom are in my hand.
In yours, too.
