I have been thinking, and feeling, a lot of different things this week in anticipation of Christmas. By far, Christmas is my favorite holiday, and has been up to this point, for many reasons. The gathering of families, the celebration through food and drink, the gifts given and received that we find in our stockings and under the tree. The birth of a babe. To me, there truly is a Christmas glow that I carry with me more than ever at this time of year.
This year, my holiday and way of celebrating is much changed. However, that is only in part because of my changed relationship status. Some of the major changes have come about because of me getting honest with myself, and truly being the type of person that I have said I was all of these years. What is so interesting and exciting to me, though, is how those changes feel like a natural evolution of who I want to be as a person.
No more drinking; I know that I have given that such great importance in the past, as being such a centerpiece of the holiday season, and this year, I am excited and looking forward to a sober celebration, which means, I will truly be present to it all.
Fewer presents this year. I have gotten really cleaned up about not spending money that I don’t have, by not purchasing anything anymore with credit, only cash. It means fewer gifts, but more thought going into each and every one. It means, truly giving gifts out of desire, not obligation.
No intimate partner to celebrate the season with. The difference here is that, even though we still live with and cooperate with one another, there is no romance this year associated with the holiday. However, that feels okay too, when it doesn’t hurt. And, even when it does, I am inviting it, dwelling in it, and then letting it go. I am FEELING, for the first time in my life.
No church attendance for me this year. For me, I still acknowledge the birth of Jesus as why we celebrate this day; however, I am finding my own spiritual way recently, and it feels amazing, freeing and so much more in tune with where my heart and soul are at. I feel more open and ready to receive than ever before in my life.
There are so many changes, and steps toward more integrity that I have made, that each one in and of itself is fairly simple; however, there are some days during this season when it doesn’t feel EASY. In a way, I feel more sad about the fact that I lived my life so unauthentically, for so long, and to me now, that seems like the harder work. Not harder to be living more clean, more honest and truthful.
So, in the last couple of days, I have changed my thoughts even on this post. Initially, I thought that keeping it simple, doesn’t mean easy. However, in recent months, since I have started to live more simply in my daily life, more clean and honest, my life IS truly easier. Of course, when confronted with how I have lived my life with others up to this point, it creates some difficulty. However, when I choose simplicity, in the midst of that, it is truly easy.
I am wishing all of you, and your loved ones, blessings and love this holiday season. I know that I will be counting all of my blessings, on this Christmas eve, and every day going forward.
