Numbers and the Ego.

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I have been dealing with numbers in my life, for all of my life.  Numbers that reference a variety of aspects of my self.  Numbers related to age, related to weight, grade, income, and miles from home.  Numbers that all have some significance in a positive, or negative way.

 

Numbers are a tricky deal for me.  With some numbers, like income for example, the higher the number, the more that I like it.  The lower the number, the less I enjoy it.  Other numbers, such as age or weight, the lower the number, the happier I am.  Or, so I think.

 

Today I am in the business of sorting out the numbers of my life, and what they really mean to me.  What I have discovered very recently, is that every number that I have in my life currently, whether I view it in a positive or negative light, is directly connected to the ego.  To the way that I view myself, and how circumstances impact me.

 

In other words, What About ME?

 

So, in the numbers game that I play with myself regarding money, when I have more money, I tend to be happier, and when I have less, I am less happy.  At least, that is how I have approached it for most of my life.  Today, I am learning to let go of my ego, connected to what I want to have, do and buy with my money, and instead, be truly grateful for what my money enables me to do, and have, in terms of my everyday needs.

 

When it comes to age, that has been more tricky for me as of late.  I have been mistakenly referred to as the mother of grown women, in their thirties and forties, on two occasions in the last month.  My ego is what responds first, wanting me to believe that I need to do something to appear younger, because a higher number, in terms of age, just doesn’t work for me.

 

WHAT ABOUT ME?  

 

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So, to start getting my ego in check, and not letting numbers define me or tell me what I am about, I have been viewing life in a more balanced perspective.  When I want to bemoan having a number higher or lower than I would like, I am more consistently loving myself, for right where I am, as I am.  I am expressing gratitude more, for what I have, instead of focusing on what I don’t.  I am loving the wrinkles that I see on my face, rather than figuring out how to appear different.

 

Although the Ego will always be with me, I am finding ways to not let it rule me, but rather, how I get to be humble, happy, and loving, no matter what it tells me.

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