Grief has not been unfamiliar to me in my life. Most often, the word grief has come to mind after the death of a loved one. The feelings of sadness, emptiness and despair seemed to be prevalent. I felt wounded, and then it would seem to take a long time for the wound to feel healed, at least healed enough to move forward.
Grief feels different to me at this point in my awakening consciousness. I still feel sadness, I still feel a sense of loss. Yet, instead of it feeling like a wound, it feels like a space, a space left where that beloved being once resided. When I am less grounded in time, I don’t stay in the past that does not exist. I can be here, Now, more consistently. The home of my vibrantly alive peace.
The beauty about space, is that it is infinite, ever expansive.
We grow up to believe that the joy that we experience in life is from the form.
It is not the form that is the joy. The joy is in the knowing who we are, beyond the form. Joy is the word that best describes vibrantly alive peace. Peace is the foundation of who we are, beyond our names, identities and believe systems.
The power in that is immense. The form is impermanent, no matter what that form is. Including ourselves. It always, eventually, passes away, so to depend upon it for our satisfaction is always fleeting. It can never last.
So, when we are able to feel the joy that is our very essence, from that space which cannot be put into words, that is a miracle indeed.
Yet we forget about that as humans as we make our plans and projections. And the bottom line is that we can never know with any certainty about anything.
When I become involved in the not knowing, which is basically every single breath we draw, I feel fear rise up in me. Even though fear is not grounded in my foundation, which is peace, surrender and truth, I still believe in its enticing demeanor at times. Death is a biggie.
Then, I realize, that I could see it as uncertainty; or as infinity. Freedom and endless possibility.
That doesn’t always feel possible or even preferred, when we are grieving in our human form.
Yet, freedom or fear? I will take freedom, thank you.
The deeper that I have been adventuring into understanding of ego, self, and consciousness, the more that nature has been calling louder and louder to me. Of course, nature isn’t doing anything different than it ever does; it is pushing through the earth, blooming, fading, and dying. Composting and giving nutrients to new life. It may look beautiful and brilliant to us as it goes about its business, but it is simply being itself.
Getting back in deeper touch with nature, as it is all around me, has been an essential part of my most recent journey. No matter what stories I may tell myself, or even the dramatic emotions I experience as a result of those stories, nature brings me back to the truth, every single time. Not by doing anything special, but simply by living. By Being.
I know that as conscious as I believe myself to be, there is so much more that I would like to disengage from and be present to. I am deeply grateful that nature is right here to guide me along.