I will often refer to the fact that I have many friends. Friends in different parts of the country, friends through the work that I do, friends that used to be lovers, friends that came into my life unexpectedly. There are friends who have been in my life for years, and others that I have recently met. Friends all around.
The concept, and I use that term intentionally, of friendship is a very complex yet interesting one. Friendship definitely means different things to different people. That is fine, as long as everyone is clear on the definition for themselves, and for those that they call friends. That is where it gets complex and a little hazy at times. For example, if my definition of friendship means that I will hear from my friend in response to a telephone call, email, or text, but that person defines it as getting back whenever they have a chance, that could create conflict. I like to think that I don’t expect that those I know drop everything when they hear from me, but at least, CALL BACK. TEXT BACK. SOMETHING.
I have gotten to be pretty saavy about figuring out why a person is in my life, cosmicly, I mean, and not only why, but what capacity they are to be in my life. So, I know that one friend in particular came into my life to help me to explore my academic side and to recount my history; I have one friend who calls to the activist in me; I have a whole slew of friends, internet friends no less, that call me to a higher level of learning and connection to the human race, to my spiritual side, to my nonviolent side. Others remind me to stay in today, have more fun, take care of your family, and have another drink. So, figured out that side of it.
The part that I read on, and am now pondering, is what role I play in THEIR lives. That is part that needs to remain a mystery. Yet, in the past, the times that I have gotten stuck is when I try to think I KNOW what purpose I have had in my friend’s life, without that friend sharing that info with me. Meaning: I try to read their thoughts/heart/process to know the TRUE reason them to want to keep me around. Truth is, that ain’t my truth to know. I can wonder about it, suppose about it, fret or obsess about it. It won’t help me to know it, unless that friend brings it to me, in gratitude, in anger, in sadness, in elation. I CAN’T KNOW WHAT THAT REASON IS; THAT IS FOR THAT PERSON ALONE TO DEFINE, AND TO SHARE OR TO KEEP WITHIN.
I believe in the truth, the spoken, written and heart felt word. However, many people don’t. Too afraid, too burned, too isolative. So, all that I can do is speak my truth, live my truth, love my truth, and trust that I will always know MY purpose. That is what counts.