I am almost constantly pondering lately on the doings of my life. In a relatively short period of time, about two years, my life has turned around almost completely. Sure, by the events and circumstances that have happened, by the relationships that I encountered, by the time that passed and the jobs that changed, that helps to describe the turnaround that I experienced. And, when I use the term turnaround, I mean, my head still feels like it is spinning at times because my life made so many twists and turns lately; the changes went from having been very gradual to everything kind of falling into place.
So, yes, those things all happened. But, there were even more deeply personal changes that occurred, that occurred within me. I felt changed, I felt moved…… I began to open up more, even though I always considered myself to be an open person, it was as if one day, my soul just completely revealed itself. As a coccoon opening up, to allow for the spreading of the wings of the beautiful butterfly (BTW, Vanessa means butterfly in French; how appropriate). I literally could feel my wings unfurling, spreading, showing their newfound colors.
I also felt like I found my voice, my REAL voice, which I had kept silent for most of my life. I have always had a big mouth, always been able to speak up for others, always able to express my opinion, but rarely did I feel totally at ease with speaking, openly, about who I am what I am about. My voice emerged. Some days in a whisper, some days in a roar.
My mind and my awareness has opened up in such a way that hardly anything escapes me. Colors are brighter, sounds are louder, music is sweeter, smells are stronger, and I feel alive and so capable. I still miss details, in such a hurry to take something in, but I am learning, boy am I learning. My mind feels more eager than ever to learn, to grow, to challenge, to read and gain knowledge.
I felt so alive I thought, all of those years of my life. But, I feel like much of me was in a deep, tranquil sleep. Sometimes it was fitful, sometimes restful, but never fully awake, alert and alive.
What do I attribute all of this to?
I have purposely and intentionally opened myself up to the wonders of the Universe. I have said a resounding “YES” to my receiving of divine love. The love of the universe embracing me; the love of self resounding within me and echoing out into my surroundings. The love for my fellow humans being shown and given freely. And, what makes this time so incredibly different, even though I have always enjoyed meeting others, chatting with others, serving others, is that I am doing it from my point of soul now; I really am listening to the tickings of my heart, in the same rhythm of the universe, and we are in sync, we are connected.
The power of that experience is nothing short of incredible.