Monthly Archives: June 2008


As per the Merriam-Webster on line dictionary: 



Inflected Form(s):
plural ca·coph·o·nies
circa 1656
: harsh or discordant sound : dissonance 2; specifically : harshness in the sound of words or phrases
I decided this morning that I LOVE this word; I mainly looked it up because I was not sure how to spell it; sure enough, I had an extra letter in there.  But, the definition is a bit different than I was to write about.  But, it works even better now. 
I decided I liked this word this morning as I was walking my dog, in the early hours before there is much neighborhood noise.  Now, in my neighborhood, we are out in the country, so there is not usually a great deal of neighborhood noise.  But, it was extra quiet, except for a few noisy, symphonic birds that were all singing to one another, and had been doing so since around 4:45 AM.  The air was still, cool, the sun was rising high in the sky, and air was warming a bit as we walked.  It was then that I thought about cacophony.  Not in relation to my surroundings, but rather as the sharp contrast to that, in terms of what we find exists in our heads from time to time, or maybe more often than time to time.
Cacophony, that dissonance, that harshness in our words and phrases that run throughout our minds at times.  Can anyone identify?? I certainly can; there are days when there is so much dissonance in my head, that I literally feel dizzy; I need to sort out and plan and assess.  Too much noise, and not noise of many good thoughts running through.  Noise that is harsh, self-depricating (another favorite of mine), self-loathing, and sometimes, those words and sounds and phrases pass from our minds to our mouths, and we actually say them OUT LOUD about and to ourselves.  Noise, noise, noise. 
As much as I enjoy this word, I don’t enjoy what it is.  It is distracting, unnerving, unsettling, and sets me on edge.  It keeps me just a bit more in the negative spectrum than the positive, because it reminds me that if I seem like I am mastering something, or even becoming confident and secure, that it tries to have the upper hand; it tries to keep us in check by preying on old fears and insecurities that we possess, deep down in our souls.  It preys on our weakest, most vulnerable points, and stays there in our heads by being extra loud, noisy and confusing.
Well, again, as much as I enjoy the word, I am abolishing its meaning from my mind, as best as I can, starting with today.  Today, when I become aware of any cacophony going on, that is harsh and judgmental and nasty toward myself, my situation, my feelings or thoughts, I am going to immediately shut it down.  No room in my head for that noise anymore. 
What do I want instead?
The joyful noise and symphony of life at its best; the furor and magic and splendor and chaos that is known as my life; yes, it is busy and hectic and at times, overwhelming, but it is ALWAYS full of love and power and positivity.  It is the birds waking me before the sun comes up; my daughter yelling for something from upstairs, the dog barking at the squirrels, the phone ringing and the knock on the door at the same time.  I am not opposed to busy, just harsh words and thoughts that take away my joy.
Today, make a commitment to yourself.  Say goodbye to cacophony, hello to symphony, and enjoy the performance.  Every day.

LET IT GO……………

I have to say, that I would not think of posting the words of T.D. Jakes, due to the fact that he is a head minister in a large church congregation in Texas, Potter’s House.  I would not think that the words that he speaks would be consistent with what I believe, at least in terms of my lesbian identity.  However, I was wrong; Bishop Jakes was invited to dialogue back in April of this year with some representatives from the group Soulforce, a group that seeks to create understanding and awareness regarding religion and homosexuality.  Bishop Jakes welcomed the dialogue, in fact, he is quoted as saying in response:


“It has always been my goal and purpose to be a bridge builder and to not build walls. It is in that spirit that I would plead with the church to seek common ground rather than to focus on irrelevant and often erroneous information that seeks to divide.”

This man rocks, in my mind……


So, it now seems only fitting to give his words their due space on this blog.  His words regarding letting go, which came to me through an email from a coworker this week, spoke directly to my soul.  I struggle at times, as hard as I work to evolve and to balance and to grow, I struggle with letting go, of old ideas, of people, of situations.  This testament, which to me, that is what it is, speaks volumes to all of my fears regarding this……….please, read on.

Let it go for 2008
By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.

And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop Begging people to stay! .

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life,

Then you need to……


If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……


If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…..


If someone has angered you .


If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……


If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……


If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents


If you! U have a bad attitude…….


If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……


If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him……


If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…….


If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves……


If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ………


If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need to……


Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for 2008!!!


Get Right or Get Left .. Think about it, and then .


‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’


One of the main parts of this that is so striking for me, is the idea that someone that if someone is not with you, supportive of you, then that person is not “joined” with you.  Profound, yet so true.  It really is as simple as, you are either with me, or against me.  And, I surely do not need an army of troops against me; I need those that are joined with me, supporting me, loving me just for who I am; don’t we ALL need and deserve that?  YES, absolutely and unequivocally, YES, YES, YES………….


The other part is that, if God is guiding me in a certain direction, and I am resisting, I need to “take my hands off” of resisting.  I need to let it go, and let God do what He needs to do, in the best interest of me and my life.  I need to TRUST, that there is a power greater than myself at work, and working its magic, in all actuality.  I need to be with that, not panic, and let it be what it will be.  See, on a very basic level, letting go is about trust, about trusting that we will be taken care of, about letting go and trusting that if that person is no longer in our lives, if that relationship is ending, if that money is running out, if that job is not what we hoped for, that ALL WILL BE WELL…….. In these days of worries of war, money, food, politics, and our precious earth, how easy is it to believe that all will be well?


Most days, not easy at all.


But, that is the challenge for us all on this journey to goodness, to greatness, actually.  We need to work hard at it, but the hard work, the sore spiritual muscles, the tears, and the laughter, the gifts and the losses, will all make it worthwhile.  Because, we will have built a trust that cannot be broken, because we know that no matter what, we are being cared for and looked after, and we are free to just be……….. 

The Wizard of Oz, the yellow brick road, munchkins, the Emerald City, Glinda, cyclones, and those Ruby Red slippers……

Anyone reading love this movie as much as I do???? I see all of those hands in the air.  This movie, among a few select others,  are on my list of my favorites of all time.  This movie however, The Wizard of Oz, I think is my ultimate favorite, of all time.  I have to say, however, that I have had no realization of this until this very day, and it was prompted by a couple of different occurrences:  tornado warnings in my area, and a post by sanityfound about unique aspects of herself…….  Please, allow me to explain……


Yesterday, here in Northeastern Pennsylvanai, USA, we had tornado watches. Now, that is not something that is common to us here, as it is in the midwestern states.  Lately, it seems that many states in the US that have not been prone to tornadoes or other severe weather are experiencing it.  And, besides the Wizard of Oz reference, I mean it as serious and frightening business.   Thankfully, we never had one touch down here yesterday, but I was watching and listening to the skies most of the afternoon.  I was trying to mentally prepare myself, and my family, to have our belongings or selves whisked away, or harmed in some way.  That was one of the events that brought this old time favorite movie to mind. 


The other, as previously stated, was this blog entry of my friend, sanityfound, entitled Things that make me interesting and unique.  Connection?  Her vivid and personal account of all things “she”, inspired me to think on my own unique and interesting ways.  And, with that came an epiphany of sorts, that The Wizard of Oz describes so much that is about who I am as a person, and today, the symbolism of many aspects of the film just hit me……..HARD.


Let’s start with the yellow brick road, the road to everywhere and nowhere at the same time.  Dorothy would be confused at times about which way on the yellow brick road was the right way, sometimes the roads all converged into one, sometimes they went through dark forests, or high cornfields.  In my life, there have been so many paths that I have taken, ones that have been yellow brick roads to my goal, my pursuit, my dream, or so I thought at least.  Some of the yellow brick roads that I have followed have been dead ends, some have gone through areas of great peril, others have been well lit and friends have come along the way with me.  But, every path was meaning, every brick in those roads was purposeful and meaningful, and I needed to gain full trust in myself that I knew, deep within, which way to go.  I ALWAYS trust my soul now, no question.


Munchkins.  Those characters in the movie are some of my most favorite.  Why?  They are filled with love, compassion, understanding, and above all, hope.  They hope and wait for their lives to get brighter, and they may get set back at times by the wicked witch, but she never keeps them down for long.  And, whomever crosses their path that needs help, they extend it willingly, graciously, and lovingly.  I am forever hopeful; I know that this world will get better, I know that there are good people out there, and when evil crosses my path, I do what I need to in order to survive, and then brush myself off, and get back up.  I am full of love, compassion, and understanding, and am a very warm, welcoming person, to all whom I meet.


The Emerald City!!!! The mecca of joy and wishes come true.  The place where everything is new and bright and sparkling, no one wants for anything, and we can always get a haircut or shine to look our best.  The roads that I travel all lead to this ultimate destination:  where we all want for nothing, that nothing stands in our way, that we take care of one another and fully embrace love and understanding.  Heaven?  Maybe.


Glinda is the ray of light, the hope that came to the Munchkins whenever they were facing adversity that they could not handle.  She would come in, floating in her bubble, just long enough to take care of the mess, then leave again so others could be self-sufficient.  I have enhanced my Glinda skills over the years.  For many years, I tried to be the solver, the fixer, the doer.  Now, I realize how that takes away the self-sufficiency and pride of those around me.  So, I do what I need to for offering initial support, and I let those birds fly with their own wings.  I gently, but lovingly, allow them to rescue themselves.  What a feeling of empowerment!  After all, that person is the expert in his or her own life, not ME. 


Cyclones and tornadoes.  Those storms of life that my beloved friend sanityfound speaks about so eloquently; they blow in, they blow out, they toss us from here to there, they sometimes turn our lives upside down, sometimes we feel damaged and broken.  But, the storms clear, the sun returns, and we are sometimes left in a place that is more colorful, and even magical, then Kansas was.  Lessons always to be learned.


The scarecrow, the tin man, the lion, and Toto.  All along the way, Dorothy encountered friends that were with her through thick and thin, good and bad, disappointment and joy, and in the end, most of them just sent her on her way to HER own bliss.  Friends are like that you know; sometimes, they are on our entire life’s journey with us, like Toto.  Sometimes, they come only for a short while, and do such magic that their impact is with us forever.  Whether the stay is brief, or life long, the impact that a true friend has on our lives is not able to be measured.


Last, but not least.  The Ruby Slippers.  The key to Dorothy getting home.  The magic that others like the Wicked Witch, so desperately want.  The magic that Glinda already understands.  The magic that the scarecrow, tin man and lion want to embrace for her, wish that they had realized sooner for her.  Dorothy had the magic, all of the time, right in her grasp.  This, my friends, at the risk of bursting into tears at my desk, is the key, the big enchilada, the whole reason that I believe that we are here on this big blue ball called Earth.  The deepest, most personal and intimate part of me, is that I only went through a few years of my life before realizing that I possess my own pair of ruby slippers, I have the complete power and control of what yellow brick road I choose, what friends will accompany me along the way, how to choose and hold onto my own bliss.  I am grateful to the Universe, that I listened to it speaking to me before too much time when by in my precious life. 


I have my ruby red slippers on my feet this very day, and like the magic in the movie, no one can take them off from me, they are mine, they are my bliss, and they are with me for the rest of my blessed life.

Here is my tag back….

I got tagged by my friend sanityfound, so this is my summary of actually FOLLOWING the rules……..hahaha


The book that I have chosen is 1001 Meditations.  On page 123, starting with the sixth sentence:


“Be master of your mind, rather than be mastered by mind.” 

Then:  “This meditation draws your senses inward, helping you to develop concentration.  Sit comfortably with your eyes closed; Focus your senses on the physical action of breathing; hear the rushing sounds of the breath; smell the air as it passes through your nostrils; experience the gentle expansion and contraction of your chest cavity; visualize each breath as it flows in and out of your lungs.  If you notice that your mind has wandered, gently return your focus to the breath.


Boy, did those semi-colons save me- can you imagine getting halfway through this exercise?  It could create a great deal of confusion……..

Talking to crickets………

Wait, before you think that I am totally out of mind; which you might already think anyway…… I just get such a kick out of this cool thing that happened to me this week.


I was at work, and myself and some of my co-workers heard the chirping of a cricket somewhere in the office, our supervisor’s office.  We weren’t sure what to do, so I went into his office to check it out.  Well, as soon as I went into the office, the chirping stopped.  This little cricket didn’t want to let on his location, after knowing that I was in his midst, I guess.  But, I wanted to find him, so that I could put him outside if he was in.  So, I called him.  Yep, that is what I said.  I said “crickie, crickie”…… and, sure enough, he chirped.  I did it again, and he chirped back at me again!  It was so strange and interesting and wonderful.  I finally established that he was outside the office, and when I opened the office door, and said “hi crickie!”, he came in!  I gently brushed him back outside and closed the door, and just stood there for a moment, along with my coworker, in total amazement.


Now, I talk regularly with my pets at home; our cats, our dog, our guinea pig…. even our angel fish!! But, insects?  Is that possible?  I found out that day, that it certainly is.


I think what I learned this week, in a totally different way than I had learned this before, is to be aware and listening for the little things, the little ways that the Universe, in the form of a blue sky or a talking cricket, the ways that the Universe speaks to us.  That cricket, that little living being, had something to say, and he found someone willing to listen- in me.  There was every chance that I would have just sat at my desk, ignored the sound while the office was quiet, and as the office awoke, his little voice would have been drowned out.  But, it didn’t happen that way.  I was listening, I heard his little voice, and I responded.


Somedays, it just seems like we are way too busy to be bothered with what little signs from the Universe are showing themselves to us.  Yet, those little messages, those subtle sounds and voices and songs, are everywhere, and can keep us totally in our present moment.  And, isn’t that what living fully is all about? 


It is not about picking and choosing which of the moments are the most precious to experience; it isn’t about only those moments that make the most noise and have the most fanfare.  It is the little moments, the quiet moments, the times when a lot of people may not be paying attention.  It is the times, in the quiet of the morning, when the crickets have a lot to say…..


Are you listening?