Nope, no date set.
But I can dream, can’t I?
Dreams are such funny things, we envision in our minds what we want for ourselves, in the most ideal settings, circumstances, persons around us. In our dreams, day or night, there is no limit as far as expense, location, people present, or any other details that are important to us.
Have you ever noticed that your dreams have changed over the years? Mine have changed in many ways. The one dream that I have had since my teen years is that of getting married. I always wanted a big wedding, not huge, but plenty of family and friends present. A great, long gown in white, lacey veil, bridesmaids and ushers, and a nice, old fashioned church. Lots of flowers, and lots of food and drink later on for the party. Just like in a fairy tale.
Fast forward a few years……. the groom would not be a groom, but another bride, two brides for my wedding in fact, after I figured out that I am, indeed, a lesbian. When I started thinking and wondering about my wedding with my future partner, it was no longer imagining it in a big church, with a grand gown and all of the trimmings; but rather, a simple dress, a few guests, maybe in a chapel with several guests, and again, lots of food and drink for all. The bride was yet to be seen……
Still later on, I found my bride to be, my bride to be to this day. Eleven years and counting……. this is how our wedding day has evolved over the years.
We talked about getting married, and really just talked; we exchanged rings a couple of times, matching rings, just between ourselves, but never planned for any type of formal ceremony.
We were on vacation with family a few years ago, and decided to go spend the day in Provincetown in Cape Cod. While we were there, we actually applied for a marriage license…. this was when Massachusetts first was allowing gay couples to legally marry. It was a surreal experience, as much as it was quite emotional. The deal was, we would need to return there to complete the ceremony within sixty days. We never went back. Mind you, we spoke about it, planned how and whom would be part of it. I always wanted several family members, and a few close friends, to be at our ceremony. Quite different from the dreams of many years ago. For me, it seemed very important that our families be present, to help witness and share in our happiness. I wanted to wear a dress, but no longer did it seem important that it be a wedding gown of some sort; just something light and flowy and dressy, just a bit. And, on the beach, or in a field, that is how I pictured it to be. However, it was not to be at that time…….
Now, my needs are so much more simple when it comes to getting married. I still want to get married on a beach, that is for sure. But, no guests, that is my preference. I want it to be us, just us, the three of us. Me, and Jamie, and our daughter. Sharing this moment of commitment among ourselves, saying the words and having them acknowledged before God, and blessed by a minister. And then, after all is said and done, THEN a big party for all of the family and friends to get together and celebrate with us. And I am talking BIG PARTY, wine into the night, food for all, and just all around fun, food, drink, and dancing…… a perfect ending to a perfect celebration of love.
There is so much said about equal marriage, or not. But really, for me, my needs are so simple. I simply want to be able to acknowledge that I love this woman, with my whole heart and my soul, and have it be legal, binding, and protective to all of us. And, then I want all whom I love the most to share in that special occasion with us.
Is that so wrong, so heinous? To want what others take for granted is at their disposal so easily? My dreams have changed over the years; I am not sure if they have matured, or if they have just gotten jaded. But no matter what, they are still my precious dreams, and I will be damned if anyone steps on them and labels them as insignificant, wrong, sinful, or flawed.
I am a beautiful person, and I thank God every day for the woman that sees that in me, and loves me for who I am……