My big, fat, gay wedding

Nope, no date set.

But I can dream, can’t I?

Dreams are such funny things, we envision in our minds what we want for ourselves, in the most ideal settings, circumstances, persons around us.  In our dreams, day or night, there is no limit as far as expense, location, people present, or any other details that are important to us. 

Have you ever noticed that your dreams have changed over the years?  Mine have changed in many ways.  The one dream that I have had since my teen years is that of getting married.  I always wanted a big wedding, not huge, but plenty of family and friends present.  A great, long gown in white, lacey veil, bridesmaids and ushers, and a nice, old fashioned church.  Lots of flowers, and lots of food and drink later on for the party.  Just like in a fairy tale.

Fast forward a few years……. the groom would not be a groom, but another bride, two brides for my wedding in fact, after I figured out that I am, indeed, a lesbian.  When I started thinking and wondering about my wedding with my future partner, it was no longer imagining it in a big church, with a grand gown and all of the trimmings; but rather, a simple dress, a few guests, maybe in a chapel with several guests, and again, lots of food and drink for all.  The bride was yet to be seen……

Still later on, I found my bride to be, my bride to be to this day.  Eleven years and counting……. this is how our wedding day has evolved over the years.

We talked about getting married, and really just talked; we exchanged rings a couple of times, matching rings, just between ourselves, but never planned for any type of formal ceremony.

We were on vacation with family a few years ago, and decided to go spend the day in Provincetown in Cape Cod.  While we were there, we actually applied for a marriage license…. this was when Massachusetts first was allowing gay couples to legally marry.  It was a surreal experience, as much as it was quite emotional.  The deal was, we would need to return there to complete the ceremony within sixty days.  We never went back.  Mind you, we spoke about it, planned how and whom would be part of it.  I always wanted several family members, and a few close friends, to be at our ceremony.  Quite different from the dreams of many years ago.  For me, it seemed very important that our families be present, to help witness and share in our happiness.  I wanted to wear a dress, but no longer did it seem important that it be a wedding gown of some sort; just something light and flowy and dressy, just a bit.  And, on the beach, or in a field, that is how I pictured it to be.  However, it was not to be at that time…….

Now, my needs are so much more simple when it comes to getting married.  I still want to get married on a beach, that is for sure.  But, no guests, that is my preference.  I want it to be us, just us, the three of us.  Me, and Jamie, and our daughter.  Sharing this moment of commitment among ourselves, saying the words and having them acknowledged before God, and blessed by a minister.  And then, after all is said and done, THEN a big party for all of the family and friends to get together and celebrate with us.  And I am talking BIG PARTY, wine into the night, food for all, and just all around fun, food, drink, and dancing…… a perfect ending to a perfect celebration of love.

There is so much said about equal marriage, or not.  But really, for me, my needs are so simple.  I simply want to be able to acknowledge that I love this woman, with my whole heart and my soul, and have it be legal, binding, and protective to all of us.  And, then I want all whom I love the most to share in that special occasion with us. 

Is that so wrong, so heinous?  To want what others take for granted is at their disposal so easily?  My dreams have changed over the years; I am not sure if they have matured, or if they have just gotten jaded.  But no matter what, they are still my precious dreams, and I will be damned if anyone steps on them and labels them as insignificant, wrong, sinful, or flawed.

I am a beautiful person, and I thank God every day for the woman that sees that in me, and loves me for who I am……


17 thoughts on “My big, fat, gay wedding

  1. You are a beautiful person. And you three are blessed to have such a loving family. I hope and pray that one day people can look past their bigoted ways and just see the beauty of people loving. And you know what? It’s worth fighting for. Right next to you. When and if you ever need it. You three are beautiful.

  2. AA: your comment just choked me up so much; because it is just so infrequently that love can and is just acknowledged as love. what could be wrong with that? It saddens me that the gestures by genuine persons like yourself are the exception and not the rule; I just might call on you to fight next to us someday, somehow I think that you would be a great presence to have on our side……

    Thank you for your thoughtful words, they really mean so much….

  3. Love, is love, is love… And there is nothing more precious, more important. I eloped with my husband because my family didn’t support our marriage, so I know in a way the pain of feeling that one’s love isn’t validated.

    Love should be affirmed, embraced, stamped in gold and framed for preservation. I hope the two of you get your beach and sunshine and marriage certificate. You certainly deserve it!

  4. You ARE a beautiful person, one of the most amazing people I know and whoohoo adopted me as well… on a serious note hun, I would like to be at that party, I want to hug my sister and sister-in-law, my niece and just be happy with you all. One day it will happen just trust the universe, trust the earth and the sky, trust destiny, its proven so much already. Loves you lotsly and yes its a beach!

  5. You have hit on the most important thing about getting married and it’s NOT the wedding. I feel at times people put to much stock in that and they get lost in why they wanted to get married in the first place. I think the three of you is perfect. On the beach or wherever. My only wish would be this world would wake up to this and make it legal in every state and every country in this world to let you love who you love and have it not matter, race, religion or sex. You love who you love and it’s always beautiful. BTW…I want to be at that party too!

  6. Lindsey: Yes, it really is as simple as love; some people make it so much more complicated than that, but it really is just about that. That is what it is about for our daughter, who even though we have had to educate her on how the whole world doesn’t view our family as “normal”, that we love one another and care for one another, which is what counts. She is a little activist in her own right….. thank you so much for your support, I have always felt that from you.

    SF: You WILL be at that party, are you kidding??? All of my friends from cyberspace and 3D will be included, and it will be kick ass, let me tell you……I trust so much more than I used to; when we ventured to Massachusetts, I was so disappointed that it didn’t happen then, but bigger things are coming for us; I know that it will someday…. I had a FEELING it would definitely be a beach……. MWAH! Love you, too, sis…..

    Joy: Invitation to the party is a given for you, my dear. You are right about focus on the wedding; sure, many of us want the big day, but if that becomes the focus, somewhere the meaning gets lost. Our hope and prayer is that one day, it will just be so matter of fact for it to be legal, we won’t have these struggles…… PA tried to change our constitution to make marriage between man and woman ONLY; they lost the battle…. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is hope, I know that…..

    I appreciate the support of my friends here so much!!!

  7. You are indeed a beautiful person and I sincerely hope that one day soon (!) you will have the wedding you so desire! Love is an amazing gift and should be celebrated – in all its wonderous forms!

  8. DM: THAT is a given; I look forward to see you and Mrs. DM there…… plenty of black coffee after a night of imbibing, yes??

    Fitch: Thank you so much for your kind words; I really am so hopeful for my future wedding day…… it will just be one step in our journey of life together…….

  9. “Still later on, I found my bride to be, my bride to be to this day. ” Wow! You guys probally know every little detail about each other’s personality, emotions and other things; and yet you still love each other deeply. That’s beautiful and so deserving of the benefits that marriage gives those of us with a piece of paper. My first marriage lasted 5 years; same for my second. I’ve been living with, until very recently, my perhaps third husband . . . who knows what’s in store for life. . . for 3 years. But my point is that if I were able to reap the tax, health care savings, etc, from my first two failed marriages; than certainly the love and devotion you two share should be honored by everyone, including the governement. Anyhoo . . . . another ramling comment. . . PLL to you and yours. . . , CordieB.

  10. Oh, by the way – don’t forget to save an invitation to me! I know you want someone who can sing really good and get the electric slide started at the party! ha ha. Seriarsly – I feel like I know you; so I’d really like to share in the celebration. PLL, CordieB.

  11. Cordie: are you KIDDING??? Absolutely; you are in my book of Gratitude, you speak from the heart without apology, you are a genuine human being, I would absolutely love to have you there…… Peace and love back to you, woman…. V.

  12. I can so imagine the beautiful scene. The wind blowing gently kissing your faces as you all smile in the sunshine. Hands clasped firmly together in unity under God. How beautiful.

    Im totally smiling here…

  13. mssc54: Thanks for that! Just being me, and I know that is a great way to be…. glad you paid a visit.

    Amber: I can envision it as well, and the simplicity of it is so romantic and perfect for us. Under God is the most important aspect besides the three of us being together; for that part of it, that is all that matters…….

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