Tears.

I cry very easily.  Whether it be over a sad, or happy movie, or a sentimental commercial, or a poem or a song that touches me.  But there is one way in which I cry the most easily, just by thinking on it, and that is when I bring to mind the love that I possess for my family, my family of three in our home.

Love is so deep within me for so many people, and so many ideas, that often it feels as if it is spilling over, like a bucket that is catching rain drops from a leaky roof, or being carried from the well.  So full to the brim, that is is contained yet it overflows, sometimes in a trickle, sometimes in splashes of water.  That is how I envision my love sitting here at this moment.

With no people in this world, nor any concept or idea or philosophy that I feel passionate about, is this called up stronger than with my two dear girls pictured in my mind.  I only need to think about a favorite moment from our previous weekend; or a funny moment that we have had.  Or a time when our daughter was a baby, and we were struggling with something concerning about her.  Jamie and I reuniting. 

What brings tears to my eyes the most?  Their eyes.  Thinking about their beautiful eyes, gateways to those beautiful souls.  Just thinking about them brings tears to my eyes.  But even more so, seeing those eyes first hand, looking deeply into them, seeing every detail of the colors and flecks and light and dark.  Hannah’s on many days are gray, others definite blue, other days more hazel and deep green.  Jamie’s eyes always are just like a sunflower:  gold, amber, brown, and in the center, shaped just like petals of a flower. 

Tears from mine when I think about theirs. 

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6 thoughts on “Tears.

  1. Your love for her reminds me of a song that was dedicated to me…a while back now. I think the lyrics are appropriate.

    “I’ll Be”

    The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
    Stop me and steal my breath.
    And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
    Never revealing their depth.
    Tell me that we belong together,
    Dress it up with the trappings of love.
    I’ll be captivated,
    I’ll hang from your lips,
    Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

    [Chorus:]
    I’ll be your crying shoulder,
    I’ll be love’s suicide
    I’ll be better when I’m older,
    I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

    And rain falls angry on the tin roof
    As we lie awake in my bed.
    You’re my survival, you’re my living proof.
    My love is alive — not dead.
    Tell me that we belong together.
    Dress it up with the trappings of love.
    I’ll be captivated,
    I’ll hang from your lips,
    Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

    [Chorus]

    And I’ve dropped out, I’ve burned up, I’ve fought my way back from the dead.
    I’ve tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

    [Chorus:]
    I’ll be your crying shoulder,
    I’ll be love’s suicide
    I’ll be better when I’m older,
    I’ll be the greatest fan of your…
    I’ll be your crying shoulder,
    I’ll be love’s suicide
    I’ll be better when I’m older,
    I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

    The greatest fan of your life.
    …greatest fan of your life.

  2. I don’t think there is anything more spiritual, as a parent, than looking deeply into the eyes of your child.
    I’ll never forget the first time I saw my daughter’s eyes, so deep and blue and expressive. I’d been told not to expect much from the first time I looked at her, but I swear we saw each other’s souls. And even now (she’s four) when I look into her eyes I see an ancient soul. It’s almost scary, in a way, but so beautiful.

  3. This is beautifuls huns, wish I could just give you a hug and tell you that the love you have for those two is inspiring and beautiful, whole and one. This post filled me with warmth and I am glad those tears are happy ones. *hugs* sis

  4. Wow. I know this feeling. This happy feeling when you think of the ones you love most deeply. Irreverently almost. As though your life would not be full if they weren’t in it.

    I am so grateful that I can and do experience this each and every day.

  5. mssc54: I am so sorry for the loss that your family has gone through;that is deep and painful, and I felt teary reading your tributes…….

    Amber: I love this song; and the thing about this one, is that the words are very powerful, but so is the tune of this song; I am not able to view it right now, but recognized the lyrics and then the tune came right to mind….. thank you so much, I believe it is a fitting one for us as well, and what a beautiful gift for you to receive too!!!

    Lindsey: Ditto; nothing in the world, besides looking into the eyes of my beloved, has ever come close……. fear, yes……but beauty in and of itself. The only two pairs of eyes that I have ever dared to look into that deeply, to be honest…..

    SF: I look forward to that hug, a big group hug with all of the girls….. together!!!! Yes, happy tears, grateful tears, for sure…..

    bojinx: I am so glad for you that you also get to feel this, nothing like it in the whole wide world to me, actually…..

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