My thoughts on equal marriage………..

Equal marriage. Not gay marriage.  My thoughts are probably fairly predictable for those of you that read me often, and know me in some way. 

What interests me about myself regarding this issue, is my evolving in regard to it over the years.  The thing is, equal marriage was an issue, a topic, a area of discussion and desire, for myself and many of my friends over the years.  This is not a new issue for me, or for many within the community.  Marriage, for many of us, has been a topic that we have considered for ourselves for most of our lives.  I know that I have.  Always wanted to have it for myself, gay or straight. 

I call it equal marriage, not gay marriage, because what it is that I want is not something special, some sort of privilege that is drastically different than the institution of marriage that exists now.  I want the the option of marrying the person that I love more than anyone in the world.  I want the option of scheduling a ceremony, an official, legal ceremony.  Applying for the license.  Hiring a caterer.  Getting pictures taken.  Choosing our attire.  Rings.  Flowers.  Family and friends.  The whole thing.  Whether you call it a right, a privilege, whatever, I feel that we are entitled to it.  We are good citizens, we are peaceful, loving people, we are not criminals or evil in our manner.  We do good in this world. 

I do not believe, as some have stated that are against equal marriage, that to give myself and others the right to marry, then eventually rights of marriage will be requested for polygamists.  That people will want to marry their siblings, their pets.  I guess my response to that is why do we always have to go the route of some logic that really seems silly, and does not make sense?  I am not criticizing those that feel very strongly from a religious point of view, that equal marriage is wrong.  Religiously, I understand why those persons feel the way that they do, I just don’t agree.  But, I am not asking that my church perform my ceremony, although that would be wonderful.  I am asking that the government acknowledge my right to marry in a legal sense. 

What about the idea that our civilization has been built on the institution of marriage between one man and one woman, and has been built strongly and successfully at that?  My right to equal marriage will not negatively impact on that.  One marriage out of two now end in divorce.  The opportunity to have equal marriage as gay couples doesn’t mean EVERY gay couple will run out to get married.  Just as not every heterosexual couple goes out to get married, so would not every gay couple marry.  Some of us want to, however.  To represent the full and permanent commitment we have to one another. 

Yes, some of those that are advocating for the overturning of Prop 8 in California, use means to get their point across that is violent and inappropriate.  Not all of us do that, and I am in no way saying that we should advocate for rights by whatever means necessary.  I absolutely live by and admire a commitment to nonviolence, so any committing of violent acts for our goals are not necessary nor appreciated or supported by me.  We are not the only groups that have used such means, however.  There are some extreme religious groups that go so far as to say that soldiers that are killed in Iraq deserve to die, because they fight for a country, the USA, which allows for gay persons to have rights.  Seriously.  Google Reverend Fred Phelps if you are unaware of what I say here………

As far as the comparison to civil rights, there is no doubt that in some ways, this battle for equal marriage is nothing like the fight for civil rights for black Americans forty years ago.  No, we don’t have to sit in the back of the bus, or drink from an alternate water fountain, or eat at a separate lunch counter.  But, gay persons have been denied housing, jobs, and medical care because of their sexual orientation.  We have been denied membership in churches.  We are denied the right to marry those that we love. 

Sure, we could have rights of visitation in a hospital, property, housing, etc., all through the legal document of power of attorney.  Anyone can have rights to any part of our livelihood if we just secure a legal document.  I want more than that.  I want the fifteen hundred rights that married couples have, that we don’t as a committed lesbian couple.  I envision us growing old together, sharing our retirement together, maybe having our dream orchard and gardens and bed and breakfast one day.  To enjoy and care for each other and be there for each other. 

I want all of that under the protection and commitment of equal marriage.  Just because my picture of my beloved is of the same gender, should not exclude me.  I am not an abomination, I am not a freak, I am a human being, a Christian, a giver, a lover, a fighter, a committed, hard working individual. 

Giving us equal marriage will not rock the world, but it will rock my world…..

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19 thoughts on “My thoughts on equal marriage………..

  1. ctzrn: You are such a mover and a shaker!!! I will do just that…….

    SurfaceEarth: I read on another blog yesterday that equal is a misnomer, because of the fact that we CAN marry if we are gay or lesbian; the person was asserting that this is a gender issue, and if we are asking for the equal right to marry based on sexual orientation and not gender, than we are inaccurate….

    I guess from a technical point of view that person is correct. However, that is why this discussion becomes complicated; sure, I could marry a man, even a gay man at that…. but that isn’t what we are REALLY talking about here, are we?

    We are talking about the freedom to marry, as two consenting ADULTS, who it is that we love. Period.

    Thank you so much for your passion on this topic!!!

  2. That is a twisting of words. If I am told I can marry a dog but not the man I love, is that equal? Seems ludicrous to me, words can only be as true as the real meaning, the human meaning, and all I see in that is self-serving perceptual logic.

    ok, I’m done now. (sort of!)

    I believe, as I have written, it is freedom to love. Period.

  3. Agreed, SurfaceEarth, agreed. As I have said countless times here, and will again…

    It is all about the love. Period.

    Thank you again, for being here and being you…… not everyone has to agree, but I have to say, there is relief in knowing that I am not alone in this…..

    Leah: Thank you for coming by……. glad that there is a swell of support, it feels really good inside my heart, for I am tired of the fight of what seems just to me……

  4. I also want to add that I love how you call it equal marriage, and not gay marriage. Not sure if you checked out my blog, but I just wrote about saying no to Prop 8. I was struggling with what to call it, and I think it’s pathetic that we even need the title on it. It’s about equal rights. . . human rights.

    I love your writing as well. I hope you don’t mind, but I linked your post on my blog. I’d love more people to read your insight. 😀

  5. leah: thank you for that; I appreciate the link that is perfectly okay with me……. I actually DID read your writing on it, shortly after I wrote my post last night. I wanted to comment, but I just didn’t know what to say to the poster who kept insisting that we CAN marry, so nothing is being denied us based on our orientation. It is a gender issue. And, I don’t get angry about much, but that angers me, because I believe it is petty and indicates to me that someone wants to argue about words for words sake, not the meaning of the words….. it really is as basic as about who I love, which I know you understand. Not my dog, or my cat, or my sister……. MY BELOVED…….

    How does one legislate THAT?????

    Thank you for showing yourself to me….. it has been a joy truly!!! And, I am weary of the fight for sure, so all of the love and support here on this blog feels really comforting……peace to you and your hubby, Vanessa

  6. Brava, indeed. And if I might chime in for a second on the blog post to which you referred, which stated that this is a gender issue and not a sexual orientation issue? I do believe that it is important to make a case including that for marriage equality, and here is why: sexual orientation discrimination does not receive the strictest review in the judicial process that is accorded to race and gender. So while it galls me to think that we are still, as a country, so far from understanding equality under the law, it is a practical argument to use.

  7. Fitch: Thank you my friend!!!

    waltzinexile: Welcome!!! Glad to see a new face always!!! I agree that in terms of the judicial process, gender could help to make more headway. The point that the commenter was making at this other blog I had read, was that in reality, we really can marry one another, we aren’t being excluded from that…… as gay persons, we CAN marry persons, just not those of the same gender in most of the US…… I find that kind of argument insensitive to what it is we are really asking for here…..

    I hope that you will visit again!!! Peace, Vanessa

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