I am pretty closely connected to God. What I mean by that is, I feel pretty close to Him. I feel His presence in my everyday living, I have a full appreciation and feeling of gratitude for all that He has created.
And, I pray. A lot. Not always in a kneeling position with my palms clasped together. But, just in my quiet thoughts. In the smile that comes to my face as I consider the beauty of the earth. As I am thankful for my life. When I admit to Him that I trust that He knows what will be for me.
But this week, Holy week for Christians, I feel closer to Him than at any other time of the year. I feel closest at this time of year to Jesus, for His sacrifice for all of us. I appreciate Jesus’ honesty, his ambivalence, his doubt. But most of all, his deep abiding love for me.
You see, I have no doubt that I have been created exactly as I was meant to be. I have no doubt, AT ALL, that I am a beloved child of God. And, I absolutely adore Jesus, and what he represented, and still does. To me, Jesus emulated humanness, in its most vulnerable forms, and its most basic forms.
Love. Trust. Faith. Doubt. Kindness. Compassion. Sacrifice.
I know that no matter what my church may say, what the Bible may say, or what people that I meet may say to the contrary, I am beloved by God, and Jesus, and Jesus would have welcomed LGBT persons with open arms, wide and ready for an embrace that was genuine and divine. I feel his embrace often, especially when I become discouraged at the attitudes of those that believe that I am not okay as the person I am, as a gay person.
Every year, at this time of year, I think all week of the journey that Jesus made. Walking the towns near Jerusalem. Taking shelter in a home, and partaking of his last supper. The betrayals. The violence. The doubt, even while on the cross, of what was in store for him. His death. His resurrection.
What a beautiful testament of love. To think that God loved us all that much, to give up his only son, in the name of love?
That is worthy of my praise, my reflection, my gratitude. True beauty, indeed.