Living my life, loving my wife



me and my beloved


Some days, I wonder and glow at the idea of how ordinary our un-ordinary life is.  Wait for the smell of the coffee brewing automatically in our kitchen.  Opening up all of our shades and curtains to let in that natural light.  Walking our dogs, feeding our cats, and getting ready to face the work day.


Ordinary, in so many ways. 


In other words, I am just living my life.  And, loving my wife.


I am gay.  There is no doubt about that.  And, I no longer hide in shame from that, although I have in the past, and the hiding seemed like a good, safe idea at the time.  Safe for others maybe, others to not have to face it.  Safer than having to look at myself with loving honesty in the mirror.  But, the shame was devastating,  and I see it slowly destroy the souls of so many that believe that they cannot be out.


Being gay is not the only part of me, but it is an ESSENTIAL part of me.  I not only accept it and embrace it, I openly and lovingly CELEBRATE and announce it.  And why not?  Why not rejoice and pay tribute to every wondrous part of my self? 


So many persons that I know that are gay, and in various phases of coming out, don’t tell or become more open about it because they don’t believe that it is anyone else’s “business” about who we love.  I disagree.  I want to make my happiness and bliss and love for my beautiful soulmate the story of my life that gets told, not locked away in my heart somewhere.  Love, my friends, is meant to be shared in my way of thinking.


So, I am living my life and loving my wife. 


And, for those that say that it doesn’t “matter that you are gay; that doesn’t matter to me”; I want you to do better for me than that.  It should matter, because it is as important a part of me as all other wonderful parts:  my gayness.  It is okay to think about it, talk about it, pray about it.  Believe me,  I am totally okay and free and joyous and proud to be every inch, every fiber of who I am.  SO, you can feel really good about it, too.


Love me, love my wife.  For, she is my wife in all ways, you know.  Except the license.  But, that will come someday, I know it.  Come over for a barbeque, share our joy, laugh with us, help us when we grieve, join in the dance of life that we dance each and every blessed day.


Ordinary, but not.  Perfect.



8 thoughts on “Living my life, loving my wife

  1. Such a sweet post Vanessa.

    I think it’s wonderful that you celebrate who you are, because you are someone special and every ounce of your being should be celebrated.

    Finding true love is a difficult thing. It’s wonderful that you realize how lucky you are to have a lovely woman in your life. And I think you’re right. . . It does matter who you love. When you love someone, it just feels so natural to tell the world about it. 😀

  2. Thanks, Leah, and you are so right. Finding true love is difficult, but so much easier and fulfilling when we have found true love of self. That is key to getting happy and STAYING happy, I believe. Embracing who we are with eyes of love doesn’t have to mean that anything goes, it just means that we see the true beauty within. That is a wonder to behold and to be cherished.

    I missed being here, thank you my friend!!!! V.

  3. Hey Vanessa, so good to see you again! I really love your response to folks saying it doesn’t matter that you (or anyone) is gay. It does matter! And I love how you nudge me to examine what I say and what I think! I commend you for your “love me, love my wife” stance! I am not such a woman. You can love me and not my husband. I love him, but he’s odd sometimes. ‘Course, do not criticize him to me or treat him badly, cuz those things will turn me against a person. (Maybe this is what you mean and I am such a woman after all. :-)!

    I love the bride & bride cake topper. I’ve recently discovered a few vintage bride & groom cake toppers. I thought of you and wanted to find a vintage bride & bride topper cuz it would be so cool!

  4. Hayden and Viv: Thanks so much!!!! 🙂

    Tiny: Yeah, when people say that “it doesn’t matter that you are gay”, I know that the message much of the time is, “It’s no big deal to me”. When, in fact, when I think about it a bit differently, means that we don’t have to have appreciation for the uniqueness in all of us. I think of the expression of people saying that they don’t even see color, when referring to race. Although, I know the message is not meant to be negative, it dismisses what is unique about that person. Does that make sense?? As far as me and my wife, we really are a package deal; it doesn’t mean that we all feel comfortable with one and therefore, the other, but she is my soulmate, my partner for life, therefore, we come as a package for sure. I found this on google images, the cake topper, and cannot wait for us to be able to pick out our own in the future! Thanks for being you, Tiny. It is always a pleasure!

    1. It does make sense. I always wonder how people can say they don’t notice color. I notice it. I also notice height and striking hair color and accents. I like that people are different, unique. Sometimes I ask where a person is from. I think that is my undergraduate study of anthropology coming out! As long as we don’t make assumptions, don’t pre-judge because of these differences, I think its great to notice them. That way one is really “seeing” the person!

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