Fearing what keeps us alive

There are many persons in this world that have phobias. True, deep terror at the thought of confronting certain aspects of daily living. Wide open spaces. Closed, confined spaces. Spiders. Snakes. Oxygen.

Yep, that was a new one for me: anemophobia, the fear of oxygen.

As strange as that sounds to me, it got me thinking. To me, anemophobia is fear of something that is necessary for our survival, that keeps us alive.

I think there are many of us that possess fears such as this. Maybe not of oxygen, but fear of another necessity for living. Absolutely essential for our survival.


Whether we would care to admit it or not, love is a life force. It keeps us alive both physically and spiritually. Whether we are talking about having love, pursuing love, or grieving over lost love, in all capacities, it is necessary for us to survive as a human species.

However, there are those of us in this world that have a love phobia; fear of love. Even though these persons know that they need it in their lives, they fear it just as much. And not just a timidity about it, a nervousness and feeling that love is hard to come by, hard to achieve, and often not worth the energy or possible hurt of it all. I am talking deeper and more complex than that.

Love phobia; those that are so terrified about love coming into their lives, or staying in their lives, that they avoid it at all costs. They have an isolative existence; they do their best not to connect with others. They act as if they don’t need other people, they busy themselves, they get buried in careers or parties or activities that may have some joy in them, but have a hollowness to them as well.

I have known these individuals in my lifetime. I have known them to be very deep, profound individuals, capable of the greatest of love, to give and to receive. However, they are deathly afraid of it. They are so deeply imbedded with this phobia that they feel paralyzed without it, yet fear it so deeply they avoid it.

And, their lives, though busy, are empty in many ways. Empty because they are void of true, deep intimacy with other people. They don’t know others and others truly don’t know them.

There is a deep sadness to that.

However, people get over their phobias every single day. We each have it within our power to face our fears, and then, to overcome them. We can do that. Truly, we can.

To live without a love phobia, still invokes a bit of fear. To live authentically, to let others know who you truly are, elicits fright in us all. However, the result is true connection with others, true human companionship, true love of self, first and foremost, as well as true love of others.

There is magic, wonder, balance, and absolute bliss in an open heart with true love in it.

Fear of love, fear of oxygen, both of these can bring about a death of sorts. In my life, I need to leave all phobias behind, to walk into my future with an open heart, a full soul, and anything in this world available to me.

It is awesome.

Sunset (2)


4 thoughts on “Fearing what keeps us alive

  1. Amen, sister.

    Baby steps, but heartfelt in each and every micrometer.
    Especially if the feeling is fear.
    Baby steps – how brave that baby!
    To endeavour those first steps.
    To fall is a certainty.
    But walk alone, towards whom?
    That courage – we can all find in our hearts.
    Just remember. You learned to walk, too.
    And why.

    From your faithful fearsoldier.
    Facing her own demons: busy, angry, guilty.
    Like three little gnomes jumping up and down.
    Trying to hide the black pool of fear that lies beyond.
    I call you out, fear!
    I know you are here.

    Though I am feeble, will tumble and fall.
    I shall live, and you shall not reign over me.
    You are not my keeper, nor my guide.
    You are but a reminder of what lies beyond –
    my greater self.
    Waiting to be discovered.
    Waiting to be loved.

    I wave away the gnomes.
    Then bend over and look in the pool.
    All I see is a reflection of a girl.
    Not young, yet not yet old.
    She looks worried yet pretty.
    Then, the beauty of the night sky above, reflected.
    The infite stars that twinkle and glow.
    Look beyond your worry, girl!
    There is so much beauty to see.
    Bending over more deeply, I lose balance.
    And fall in.

    The water takes me in.
    It’s coolness taking breath away for a bit.
    Bare feet touching the mud at the bottom.
    It is soft and envelopes them gently, holding them.
    This is the bottom. Not so deep.
    The water barely reaches the shoulders.
    Remembering to swim.
    At first, strokes of power, warming up.
    Then, languid gliding on the back.
    Again looking up at the stars –
    this time directly. Drinking it in, the water embracing her. The gnomes already forgotten – where’d they go? A simple joy in what is there, remains. And a desire to share with loved ones. To multiply the joy.

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