“For once a person begins on this path of knowledge they will only look inward, learning how to fix themselves, instead of trying to fix other people.” Rav Brandwein
For as often as we are with ourselves, many of us are very afraid to FACE ourselves. Face our shortcomings, our needs, our truths, our gifts. It is called denial in some circles, the need to look away from what truth really lies within us. I have participated in this as much as any one of you.
Over the years, I have evolved. There are times that I look back, in my rear view mirror of my life, and wonder, “Is that really me back there? Did I really look like that, talk like that, THINK and FEEL like that?” It seems so far removed from where I find myself to be in this moment right now. Denial was my friend, my confidante, so many times. In regard to my relationships, my work, my inner being. I was always being a kind, loving soul. But inside, I was screaming to be acknowledged, to be treated fairly, I was angry so many times but denied it to myself so vehemently that I even believed the lie. The lie of being satisfied, of not having any heartache, that it was okay for others to trample on me.
I have turned my back on denial and those lies in my life today. I have realized that, although denial played a critical role in my life in the past, it serves no purpose for me now. Denial probably saved my life at those times. At least, my emotional life. It kept me safe. It kept me insulated from the truths that were so ugly that were around me. Thank God for denial, at least back then. In my rear view mirror.
Now, I embrace truth as much as I possibly can. I crave it. I recently have taken the opportunity to explore the idea of being a Life Coach, and will be taking a crash course over a weekend in New York, with a company that I have admired for several years now. One of the goals is to realize your full potential, and to hold yourself accountable for it. And, in 2010, in the here and now of my life, I am so ready for it. Ready for any truth that another person has in store for me, and any truth that I have for myself.
You see, I know what the root and foundation is for the life I am to lead. A life with purpose, a life based in values and integrity. I heart and soul full of love, compassion, and justice. For as long as those are my guiding principles, I know that any truth that I must face will be able to be handled, and that I can be as gentle, or firm with myself, as I need to in order to go forward and to achieve my goals.
I believe that until we face the truth of our souls, the REAL truth of how we think, feel, believe and act, then we cannot until that time show full truth to others. To look in the mirror and REALLY see yourself is frightening. Yet, it is only our selves, after all. And, when we look at that truth dead on, and embrace it with love and compassion, it becomes not frightening, but strangely comfortable and reassuring.
That, even in truth, we are pretty damned awesome. True that.