How many of us remember that saying of “If you love something, set it free; if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If not, it never was.” Or, some variation of those words? Sounds a bit like the theme of my day today.
This morning, I awoke with the knowledge that I had to come to terms with my uneasiness with an aspect of friendship. I intellectually know that persons come and go from our lives. I know that we need to accept that we are all impermanent, and that things change. I know on some level that I have persons in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I also know that those in my life for a lifetime are few. They are the closest, most intimate connections, which are rare.
So, I decided today would be the day that I would get to the bottom of this angst that I have been experiencing on and off for months now. Why do people that I am closely connected with leave my life? Why do they disappear after we have shared so many deep, private stories? And, more importantly, why do I have such difficulty in letting go?
I sorted through all of it. I have gone through periods of time feeling hurt and confused about it; then I had also reconsidered whether it was as close as I had thought; deep down, though, I knew that the only answer was release, release of that person, and release of the negative energies that I have been putting upon it. Letting go with love.
So, by mid day today, I could envision the letting go process, like the string of a balloon, releasing it into the atmosphere. Letting it float into another part of the Universe and be wherever, and whatever, it should be. Letting go. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH………………
But, something interesting happened after that. I went out to the store, just to get out of the cube for a few minutes. When I got back, I was sitting in my car and noticed that one of my earrings had fallen out. Now, I had been walking quite a bit in the last few minutes, so I knew it could have ended up ANYWHERE. However, at that moment, when I noticed it was missing, and after initially mourning the loss of a lovely gift from a dear friend, I let it go. I realized that I could obsess about it, perseverate about it, mourn, cry, kick and scream about it, but that would not make it magically appear. I could ask all of my coworkers if they had seen it, I could call my honey and cry about it, or I could just LET IT GO. So, I did. I admitted my powerlessness, I spent a moment appreciating its beauty in my memory, and then, I admitted to self that all is impermanent, and that I can live without it being in my life.
Then, when I got to the door of my office, I looked down, and there it was.
My guess is, if I hadn’t gone through a very deliberate process of letting go, I would have never seen it again, which would have been okay, because I had made peace with it. Peace with the decision of the Universe to show me this lesson.
For, all people, places and things are impermanent. We can hold them tightly, or appreciate them while they are here, but either way, we have no control over their longevity or their ability to stay with us, or leave. Those that choose to be in our lives, and those that we choose to have in our lives, including our selves, have to be, do, create, thrive, move, stay still, love, live and BE in all different ways at all different times.
For every moment that we share together, we are blessed.
Thank you, dear Universe. And, as Melody Beattie told me on this very day in her daily affirmation book:
“Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.”