Monthly Archives: April 2010

i love you

When you began your day today, was there anything special about it that occurred to you?

One thing that is special, is that it is Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s birthday. And she has one wish; go here:

On this date, 4/29/10, at 4:29, she wants everyone to text “i love you” to any and all the people in your life that it applies to. To spread the love. To fulfill her birthday wish.

Whatever the reason, won’t you give her the best birthday ever, and bring joy to those in your life?

Three simple words. One powerful message.

i love you.


200,000 HITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over the weekend, my blog hit the 200,000 mark. I am amazed, overjoyed and completely overwhelmed. This is totally what I have always wanted; to reach as many persons as possible with my thoughts, my words, my heart. And, it seems as if that is surely happening!!!

I want to thank each and every one of you, that have stopped here to read over the last three years that I have been steadily writing, even more so for the last two years. Whether you came by once, through a tag, or you are a regular reader, I always appreciate your visit. Even for those of you who read my posts, and never put up a comment. The fact that you came by, and that you saw something here that called to you, that is truly special to me.

The blogging world has been a means through which I have met so many special people, and made some really awesome friends. Here is to my next 200,000, and more! I cherish each one of you. Together, we truly can change the world for the better.

Peace and love, Vanessa

I am NOT an abomination!

NOTE: This is a repost of when I originally wrote it and posted it in July of 2008. Needless to say, my opinion/feelings have not changed, and sad to say, the world has not changed much either in this regard. I continue to know, fully and without question, that I am a beloved child of God, and I am not flawed, diseased, or deviant in any way, ESPECIALLY not for being a lesbian.


I feel compelled to write about this due to the strong feelings associated with this topic: HOMOSEXUALITY. I don’t get angry about the topic much anymore, as much as become determined, almost indignant, on needing to firmly state why I feel the way that I do about this. And, I have to say, I would feel firmly that homosexuality is as natural in humanity as heterosexuality, even if I were not a lesbian. But I am a lesbian, and I know in my heart of hearts that I am EXACTLY as God intended me to be.

Now, I am not writing this post as a testament to what science is proving in terms of sexual orientation and genetics. I am not writing this post as a way to quote passages of Scripture, to defend why they are misinterpreted. I am writing this from a feeling, human perspective. It is just the way that I do things, try to bring the personal perspective to the table, which is not always considered when the various sides of this issue take their positions and refuse to see another point of view as valid.

I feel firmly confident in the fact that God has created me, as well as millions of other gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons, in His image, and exactly as He wanted us to be. I would, and do, believe that regardless if science seemed to indicate that there is genetic differences or not, that God meant for this to be. I feel fully connected to God and to my spirituality, not in spite of being gay, but because I am gay. I am a kind, generous human being, I give willingly to others, I try to be fair and not wasteful, and I have a committed, lifelong partner whom I am devoted to. We are raising a well adjusted, beautiful daughter and doing a fine job. God has blessed us in so many ways, because of who we are.
This is usually where the conversation goes to the area of “love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of statements, referring to being gay as being a “choice” or “lifestyle”, and that we are “giving in” to “sinful urges” without restraint. While I will not be discussing my own sexual behavior here, since that is just not my style, I will say that sexual orientation, or in my case, being a lesbian, is about SO MUCH MORE than sexual behavior, sexual activity, sexual intimacy. Yes, that is part of it in most of the couple relationships that I am acquainted with, as in most committed relationships. That is PART of what connects two persons to one another. But, think about it for a minute, when you meet someone that you know may be a significant person to you, one to whom you are attracted, how would you describe that attraction? Some of us have had the experience of being attracted to a person physically or sexually only, with nothing else much there. That has not been my typical experience, but that is not what I am talking about here. I am talking about falling in love, being attracted to a person on all levels: physically, sexually, emotionally, psychologically, soulfully, prayerfully- the heart to heart connection that comes with those that we fall in love with madly. THAT is what orientation is about. If I were to describe a heterosexual orientation as only about sex, or sexual attraction or intimacy, I would be diminishing it and leaving out so much else that describes and defines a couple relationship.

And, just as there are messed up persons in this world who are heterosexual, married or not, so is the case in the homosexual world as well. Not much difference there. However, there are many of us that are monogamous, in committed, long term relationships, who are not unfaithful and want to spend the rest of our lives together, God willing. Would there really need to be a focus on what it is that we do intimately if we were allowed to be married? If that were to sanction our committed relationship, then really, who would care how we conduct ourselves? And, for those that think that the institution of marriage will be ultimately destroyed, and the foundation of our society shattered if homosexual persons are allowed to marry one another, wouldn’t you agree that marriage could use some help these days? I mean, the most recent statistic is that almost half, if not half, of marriages end in divorce? How can we worsen those types of numbers? Isn’t it remotely possible that we might boost the chances of happy marriage?

I know some people, many people actually, some of whom are gay, some not, who were raised in households and communities and churches, that told them that being a homosexual was against God, unnatural, and an abomination, and who believed it for much of their lives. Some of those same people have had changes of hearts and minds over their lifetime, by realizing that being gay and being in God’s image could co-exist. I am so grateful for those persons in my life. I am so glad to know that instead of bringing out fear and loathing in other human beings, that I can illicit appreciation, compassion and joy at who I genuinely am.

I am gay, I am worthy, I am loved, and I am a child of God. Amen.

Day of Silence: April 16, 2010

Day of Silence had its humble beginnings in 1996, at the University of Virginia. With just two organizers and 150 students, the purpose was to bring awareness to the struggles that LGBT persons face on a daily basis in their lives, especially those who are young people and students in grade schools, high schools and colleges. It came about so that that awareness could bring about action on the part of the LGBT community and our allies.

The silence represents the silent lives that many LGBT persons live every single day; living secretly for fear of being physically or emotionally harassed or abused; fear of losing their jobs, housing, or close relationships with family and friends; and silence out of shame about being who we truly are.

For one day, April 16, every year across the United States, persons who observe the Day of Silence remain silent throughout their school or work day; when asked why the silence, we can use cards or other means to educate people about the self imposed silence that many within the community live with each day. Indeed, to have to stay silent about who a person truly is, means that parts of that person fade away each and every day they feel called upon to live in that way. And, is that truly living at all?

The work is not complete at the end of Day of Silence; it is the hope that by raising awareness of others, the work, advocacy and policies will change to create more equality for those of us that are members of the LGBT communities in this country.

Please, do what you can to raise your own awareness, the awareness of others, and to start to create meaningful, effective change that will support the LGBT community and the people within that community. Speak out. Write. Learn. Teach.

Be an ally.

Dancing on the edge……

Since I began on this journey toward my dreams, and closer to a life of personal integrity a couple of months ago, through my work with Handel Group, I feel consumed by it most of the time. I think about it often, I am actively working on keeping my promises, and I am watching my relationships grow and improve with each passing day. I find myself less anxious, more focused, and more present in the moment than I have ever been. I am truly on a good road, and I know my dreams are a stretch, but in reach.

Last night, something more intense happened on this journey. As I was preparing for our monthly group call, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, a bit emotional. Now, I feel more in tune with my emotions since beginning this than ever before, and I don’t feel that they are random; most of my emotions I am able to make the connection between the catalyst and the respective emotion. I also feel much less prone to drama; getting really caught up in emotions that really have been more for show and attention than really genuine for me. True story.

Well, last night, the emotions felt intense; we had a great call, I felt really focused, as a coaching client, and as a coach in training (hopefully)! It took me a good long while to wind down after our call was completed, but I felt good, whole, hopeful.

Later this morning, that intensity started to come back, feeling prone to tears, but knowing I wasn’t sad or even moved. I wrote a quick note to one of my friends in our coaching group, and she told me how happy she was for me, for feeling that emotional intensity. I then realized, how close to the edge I am dancing. Not walking, not teetering, but DANCING.

I am on the edge of greatness; I know that I will be able to achieve whatever I set my mind to, at least on most days. I know that I will have to work hard; be scared; and handle diversions along the way. However, I believe that as long as I keep my promises, keep my beautiful negative traits on a short leash, and live a life of integrity, I can’t go wrong. And, the sky is the limit.

That is HUGE, in terms of connecting to the world, and what I most want, and feeling it with every fiber of my being. HUGE is not being overdramatic, I assure you of that.

I am dancing between the cliff edge and the solid ground. I know that I may fail; I know that it will be so difficult at times to keep my commitments. Yet, I am dancing, with my arms up in the air, and a broad smile on my face.

My life, in all of its beautiful, tiny moments, has never been shinier.