Dancing on the edge……

Since I began on this journey toward my dreams, and closer to a life of personal integrity a couple of months ago, through my work with Handel Group, I feel consumed by it most of the time. I think about it often, I am actively working on keeping my promises, and I am watching my relationships grow and improve with each passing day. I find myself less anxious, more focused, and more present in the moment than I have ever been. I am truly on a good road, and I know my dreams are a stretch, but in reach.

Last night, something more intense happened on this journey. As I was preparing for our monthly group call, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, a bit emotional. Now, I feel more in tune with my emotions since beginning this than ever before, and I don’t feel that they are random; most of my emotions I am able to make the connection between the catalyst and the respective emotion. I also feel much less prone to drama; getting really caught up in emotions that really have been more for show and attention than really genuine for me. True story.

Well, last night, the emotions felt intense; we had a great call, I felt really focused, as a coaching client, and as a coach in training (hopefully)! It took me a good long while to wind down after our call was completed, but I felt good, whole, hopeful.

Later this morning, that intensity started to come back, feeling prone to tears, but knowing I wasn’t sad or even moved. I wrote a quick note to one of my friends in our coaching group, and she told me how happy she was for me, for feeling that emotional intensity. I then realized, how close to the edge I am dancing. Not walking, not teetering, but DANCING.

I am on the edge of greatness; I know that I will be able to achieve whatever I set my mind to, at least on most days. I know that I will have to work hard; be scared; and handle diversions along the way. However, I believe that as long as I keep my promises, keep my beautiful negative traits on a short leash, and live a life of integrity, I can’t go wrong. And, the sky is the limit.

That is HUGE, in terms of connecting to the world, and what I most want, and feeling it with every fiber of my being. HUGE is not being overdramatic, I assure you of that.

I am dancing between the cliff edge and the solid ground. I know that I may fail; I know that it will be so difficult at times to keep my commitments. Yet, I am dancing, with my arms up in the air, and a broad smile on my face.

My life, in all of its beautiful, tiny moments, has never been shinier.

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2 thoughts on “Dancing on the edge……

  1. Vanessa,
    What a beautiful post to read this evening! And – I really do get this deep sense of YOU, dancing, smiling, and loving the moments of this journey you are on. I am so happy for you!

    And – beyond all of that – I also get this extra sense of calm within myself. Like, it’s all okay. Sometimes I question what I’m doing, if it’s the “right” thing? Could I fail? Is it my heart that’s really saying this? And so on. Just know, that reading your words here today – I really do feel an extra peace about it all….and that is such a wonderful feeling….

  2. Lance: Thank you so much!!! I have to say, part of the wonder of this journey for me, and the strength and connection, comes when I encounter others on a similar quest; seeking, searching, and ultimately finding what it is we want, need, and dream about. I had talked myself out of dreaming for so long, and am SOOOOO glad to be a dreamer again!!!!

    Thanks for visiting; your words always inspire me!!! Vanessa

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