Since I began on this journey toward my dreams, and closer to a life of personal integrity a couple of months ago, through my work with Handel Group, I feel consumed by it most of the time. I think about it often, I am actively working on keeping my promises, and I am watching my relationships grow and improve with each passing day. I find myself less anxious, more focused, and more present in the moment than I have ever been. I am truly on a good road, and I know my dreams are a stretch, but in reach.
Last night, something more intense happened on this journey. As I was preparing for our monthly group call, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, a bit emotional. Now, I feel more in tune with my emotions since beginning this than ever before, and I don’t feel that they are random; most of my emotions I am able to make the connection between the catalyst and the respective emotion. I also feel much less prone to drama; getting really caught up in emotions that really have been more for show and attention than really genuine for me. True story.
Well, last night, the emotions felt intense; we had a great call, I felt really focused, as a coaching client, and as a coach in training (hopefully)! It took me a good long while to wind down after our call was completed, but I felt good, whole, hopeful.
Later this morning, that intensity started to come back, feeling prone to tears, but knowing I wasn’t sad or even moved. I wrote a quick note to one of my friends in our coaching group, and she told me how happy she was for me, for feeling that emotional intensity. I then realized, how close to the edge I am dancing. Not walking, not teetering, but DANCING.
I am on the edge of greatness; I know that I will be able to achieve whatever I set my mind to, at least on most days. I know that I will have to work hard; be scared; and handle diversions along the way. However, I believe that as long as I keep my promises, keep my beautiful negative traits on a short leash, and live a life of integrity, I can’t go wrong. And, the sky is the limit.
That is HUGE, in terms of connecting to the world, and what I most want, and feeling it with every fiber of my being. HUGE is not being overdramatic, I assure you of that.
I am dancing between the cliff edge and the solid ground. I know that I may fail; I know that it will be so difficult at times to keep my commitments. Yet, I am dancing, with my arms up in the air, and a broad smile on my face.
My life, in all of its beautiful, tiny moments, has never been shinier.