I am NOT an abomination!

NOTE: This is a repost of when I originally wrote it and posted it in July of 2008. Needless to say, my opinion/feelings have not changed, and sad to say, the world has not changed much either in this regard. I continue to know, fully and without question, that I am a beloved child of God, and I am not flawed, diseased, or deviant in any way, ESPECIALLY not for being a lesbian.


I feel compelled to write about this due to the strong feelings associated with this topic: HOMOSEXUALITY. I don’t get angry about the topic much anymore, as much as become determined, almost indignant, on needing to firmly state why I feel the way that I do about this. And, I have to say, I would feel firmly that homosexuality is as natural in humanity as heterosexuality, even if I were not a lesbian. But I am a lesbian, and I know in my heart of hearts that I am EXACTLY as God intended me to be.

Now, I am not writing this post as a testament to what science is proving in terms of sexual orientation and genetics. I am not writing this post as a way to quote passages of Scripture, to defend why they are misinterpreted. I am writing this from a feeling, human perspective. It is just the way that I do things, try to bring the personal perspective to the table, which is not always considered when the various sides of this issue take their positions and refuse to see another point of view as valid.

I feel firmly confident in the fact that God has created me, as well as millions of other gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons, in His image, and exactly as He wanted us to be. I would, and do, believe that regardless if science seemed to indicate that there is genetic differences or not, that God meant for this to be. I feel fully connected to God and to my spirituality, not in spite of being gay, but because I am gay. I am a kind, generous human being, I give willingly to others, I try to be fair and not wasteful, and I have a committed, lifelong partner whom I am devoted to. We are raising a well adjusted, beautiful daughter and doing a fine job. God has blessed us in so many ways, because of who we are.
This is usually where the conversation goes to the area of “love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of statements, referring to being gay as being a “choice” or “lifestyle”, and that we are “giving in” to “sinful urges” without restraint. While I will not be discussing my own sexual behavior here, since that is just not my style, I will say that sexual orientation, or in my case, being a lesbian, is about SO MUCH MORE than sexual behavior, sexual activity, sexual intimacy. Yes, that is part of it in most of the couple relationships that I am acquainted with, as in most committed relationships. That is PART of what connects two persons to one another. But, think about it for a minute, when you meet someone that you know may be a significant person to you, one to whom you are attracted, how would you describe that attraction? Some of us have had the experience of being attracted to a person physically or sexually only, with nothing else much there. That has not been my typical experience, but that is not what I am talking about here. I am talking about falling in love, being attracted to a person on all levels: physically, sexually, emotionally, psychologically, soulfully, prayerfully- the heart to heart connection that comes with those that we fall in love with madly. THAT is what orientation is about. If I were to describe a heterosexual orientation as only about sex, or sexual attraction or intimacy, I would be diminishing it and leaving out so much else that describes and defines a couple relationship.

And, just as there are messed up persons in this world who are heterosexual, married or not, so is the case in the homosexual world as well. Not much difference there. However, there are many of us that are monogamous, in committed, long term relationships, who are not unfaithful and want to spend the rest of our lives together, God willing. Would there really need to be a focus on what it is that we do intimately if we were allowed to be married? If that were to sanction our committed relationship, then really, who would care how we conduct ourselves? And, for those that think that the institution of marriage will be ultimately destroyed, and the foundation of our society shattered if homosexual persons are allowed to marry one another, wouldn’t you agree that marriage could use some help these days? I mean, the most recent statistic is that almost half, if not half, of marriages end in divorce? How can we worsen those types of numbers? Isn’t it remotely possible that we might boost the chances of happy marriage?

I know some people, many people actually, some of whom are gay, some not, who were raised in households and communities and churches, that told them that being a homosexual was against God, unnatural, and an abomination, and who believed it for much of their lives. Some of those same people have had changes of hearts and minds over their lifetime, by realizing that being gay and being in God’s image could co-exist. I am so grateful for those persons in my life. I am so glad to know that instead of bringing out fear and loathing in other human beings, that I can illicit appreciation, compassion and joy at who I genuinely am.

I am gay, I am worthy, I am loved, and I am a child of God. Amen.


9 thoughts on “I am NOT an abomination!

  1. Vanessa,
    It is so good to hear your story and to really let these words soak in. I think we (in the general sense) can all too easily judge that which is different than us. If we can just view all of humanity through the eyes of compassion and love, just think about what that might look like. Vanessa, that is why your story is so important – I feel love and compassion engulfing all that you have written. And in that – we are one…

  2. Lance: Thank you, and you are so right about that. If it is in the name of love, justice, compassion, and increased intimacy, what could be wrong with that? It just might be powerful enough to heal, and change the world. Thank you for your friendship. Vanessa

  3. Wow! LOVE LOVE LOVE this post.

    I am very passionate about the rights of homosexuals. I had some one the other day ask me why, afterall, I’m not one myself. No, I’m not. God made me this way. He made you that way. One no superior than the other. I AM interested in human rights though. . . and to me, what is happening with the gay community and their inability to get married (in most states) is a human rights issue, and infuriates me like no other.

    I’ve recently gotten into a great book on Buddhism, and it is speaking about love and compassion being the means of a happy and peaceful life. I couldn’t agree more. If we all felt greater love and compassion for people, we would be so much more accepting.

    Thank you for being a voice.

  4. Leah: Thank you so much; I wrote this long before I met you, and long before I first became aware of that very passion that you speak of. The support by those that are not gay, in order to stand up for justice and equality, seems so basic, yet to me, is a brave action. There are so many persons that are so negative about gay persons, and then when equal rights are mixed in, it becomes even more problematic. Thank you for standing with me in this. I will speak out until I cease to speak! Hugs my friend~ Vanessa

  5. A wonderful and worthy post, Vanessa.
    Whether or not God made us as we are is, to my mind, not as important (but not dismissed of course), as how we treat each other. I abhor intolerance, especially when It comes from any direction where rational thought has been cast aside and bigotry is allowed to raise its ugly head. None of us, whatever, our preferences, our choices, our lifestyles must ever let hatred and narrow minded views become the weapon that seeks to destroy other people’s lives. Love, is the key, and even though we do not live in an ideal world, love, in all of its aspects, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, irrespective of gender, race and creed, is what binds and heals and brings us together. Loving someone is what counts and to be loved in return is a boon and a blessing. And in a personal relationship this is magnified when partners love each other and support each other, through adverse times and good times. Your post is a beautiful summation of all that it means to love someone and to be loved by someone. I applaud and admire and support your stand. There are good and bad relationships, positive and negative relationships and they cover the entire range of human nature, human behavior, human preferences, irrespective of gender and inclination and preferences. Bravo! for all that you say in your post and please accept my very best wishes for your continuing happiness and fulfilment on the road ahead.

    Best wishes, to you and your beloved one and loved ones and friends. 🙂


  6. What is most interesting to me about the negativity regarding a person’s sexual identity, when that identity is NOT heterosexual, is that we are talking about part of a person’s being more than behavior. Sure, I can “choose” to be intimate or to pursue a relationship with a person of the opposite gender; however, I am called to in my soul, a relationship with my current partner, who is also female. Just as heterosexual persons are drawn to the opposite gender because it is who they are as persons, part of their identity, so it is with a homosexual person and our identity. It really has so little to do with choice where that is concerned, and that is always where I get stuck. My “lifestyle” is the car I drive; falling in love with other persons who are female is my “identity”; my only “choice” in that is whose face I see that love in. And, there is no other for me than my present, true, beloved. Thanks for your thoughts, John, and for your visit!!! Peace, Vanessa

    1. It is my honor and pleasure to stand with you, Vanessa. I hope we can stay in touch. I have added you to my blogroll, please feel free to drop by and read my work whenever you have any spare time. I shall be honored to see you there, my friend. Thank you. Peace,

  7. Hi Vanessa,

    I came here via Lance’s link/post. I left the following comment on his blog and thought that you might be interested:

    Thank you for sharing this Vanessa and Lance. As a straight Christian since 1981, I have struggled with what God thinks and says versus what the media hungry fundamentalist church says. I wrestled with this for a few years which ended in my being a whole hearted gay rights supporter. I’m not plugging my blog, but I wrote a series on it with Biblical evidence that it is not an abomination or other things that are “stated” by translation in the Bible. Please check out the following link as you may find it interesting. It will also read from bottom to top. http://clinicallyclueless.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-10-19T01%3A19%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=12#uds-search-results

    I hope you enjoy it. The series actually started on 10/9/09. The search picks up some other posts…I still need to figure out how to fix it.

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