It has been too long since I have been here. I have missed the keyboard, and the freedom of my mind opening up as I let the words flow. I am doing so much work these days, on exploring, unravelling, and planning with the work of Handel Group, my coach, and my Coach in Training program. The learning that is happening each day is incredible!!!

The learning that is most signficant for me, and that I put to immediate use, is what I am learning about my self. All of these things that I used to know, are getting turned on their heads. I mean, I have believed for a long time in how we choose the circumstances of our own lives; however, this work through Handel steps it up a dozen notches, or more! Changing the lens that I view life through, or just moving my perspective ever so slightly, has opened up me, and my world.

I have always known myself to be a compassionate person. I am willing to be there for others, give of myself, offer my time, my shoulder, even my finances at times. People I meet at work, through blogging, even the occasional stranger.

What I am now realizing about myself, more than ever, is how I would often not show compassion to those closest to me. OUCH. Gross. Certainly not how I have viewed myself over the years.

I mean, I have been there many times for those that I love. However, in a close second to my compassion for my loved ones, was my judgmental, expert know it all self. The person that even though I possessed compassion for others, was also thinking “I wouldn’t have done that; why don’t they do it this way? Why did they make that choice that was obviously wrong? Why don’t they just do it like I say?”

Big yuck.

So, time for that snotty know it all self to be put on a super-tight leash. Time for me to realize, accept, and understand, that compassion does not have room for judgment in it. And, that those closest to me deserve my compassion more than anyone else in my life.

It has been eye opening to realize that I have had more compassion for strangers than my own loved ones all of these years, yet freeing at the same time. Imagine how that opens me up, gives me the opportunity to author my life in a whole new way; recreate those relationships from a perspective that is accepting, not judging. That trusts that others know what they are doing. To not be the expert all the time. It also means I get to have compassion with myself, as I learn and realize so many powerful aspects of self, and instead of being dramatic and self-depricating about it all, changing it NOW.

I am compassionate, loving, and free. And, there is so much more to come……


8 thoughts on “Compassion.

  1. What a wonderful posting for new beginnings! Starting fresh, and letting go of pre-judgements – seeing life with new untainted glasses on—I love it! So often we judge those who are closest to us far harsher than we would judge a stranger because we don’t actually feel emotional fear from strangers. It is only those who are close to us who we perceive as being able to affect us – so don’t beat your self up too badly. I’m glad that you are learning to not judge others, now it’s time to be kinder and less judgemental of Vanessa! Blessings, My Dear Sister of Compassion! Let the words continue to flow!


  2. Thank you, sweet CordieB…….You are so right; those that impact our hearts and lives the most are the ones that I feel most vulnerable with. Sometimes I want to hide from that vulnerability; or judge them for their own! I am learning to not spend my time feeling bad about something; but rather, change the scheme of things and do it differently. No more time to spend that isn’t headed toward the person that I most want to be!!!! Love, V.

  3. Vanessa!! Welcome back!! And with a new blog layout as well! It’s looking lovely!! And congratulations on all that you are descovering and embracing! It takes great courage to go through such a “refining” process!

    I must agree with the above. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Our close ones really puts us to the test. Maybe it’s a combination of being comfortable enough to slip into bad habits and the vulnerability they bring out of us, that we so desperately want to veil ourselves from (so we become harder or smarter)

    I believe change is something we speak far too less about with families or close friends. We seem to think change has got something to do with new jobs or new cities or new people we meet but not with our inner selves, and not with those that are closest.

    We seem to get stuck in roles we play, often a case of quiet understanding, but we don’t stop and ask if everyone is happy with the role they play or if there is room for development.

    But you are doing just this and I can only thank you for opening up and sharing as much as you do! You should be very proud of who you ALREADY are!

    Big hugs,


  4. Hey Helen!!!

    It feels SO good to be back; I had lost track of how much I missed this, writing and sharing with my friends here. I think you are so right, that we get stuck in certain roles with those closest to us; and rarely do we shift the dynamic. In doing so, my previous thoughts were that it will change what has been for years, even though it hasn’t worked well; why do that? I understand now that if those closest to me don’t know me as I TRULY am, then they don’t know me. I am sure I will be writing on that as well……

    I plan on sharing all that I can about this process; it is truly amazing!!!! I am so glad to reconnect with you!

  5. Hey Vanessa, welcome back. I have missed your posts! I love your new look.

    Sometimes it is easier to be compassionate with people we don’t know so well or don’t interact with on a regular basis just because we don’t know them well, etc. But if we can be compassionate with strangers, we can be compassionate with loved ones. As James Taylor so perfectly sings, “Shower the people you love with love/Show them the way that you feel/Things are gonna be much better/If we only will.”

  6. Thanks Tiny! It feels so good to be back! And, I love this new design as well! I agree; it is easier with strangers, but what I am finding is that the more that I open my heart with more compassion, less judgment, toward my loved ones, AND when I confess, or anticipate, confessing about judging them, it frees me up. I feel myself opening more and more each day, it is truly amazing!!!! Thanks for visiting!!! Love, V.

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