The lies of omission

My entire life, or at least for as long as I have memory of, I have had pride in the fact that I am a truthful person. I mean, my little brother would lie about the most obvious things, get caught much of the time, and keep doing it. I was the truthful one. Admitting when I had done wrong; answering questions truthfully; definitely not a liar. Or, so I thought.

What is emerging more clearly each and every day, a truth that I am embracing in this time of my life, is what a liar I have truly been. No, not a liar that makes up stories. No, not a liar that steals and pretends that I don’t. I am a sneakier liar than that; the kind of liar that insists that they don’t lie; really truly believe that they don’t. I have been a liar by omission.

I think I have always believed, that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. In that vein, when something or some part of my closest relationships have been going terribly wrong, and I have felt resentful, angry, unloved, or neglected, instead of telling the truth about my feelings and thoughts, I have omitted the words; not spoken at all, or spoken untruths by saying that everything is fine. And, until quite recently, I have believed that it meant that I was not a liar. Well, guess what? I am.

A liar is any person who is deceitful in some way about their behavior, their thoughts or feelings. Sure, it is crappy behavior, and I am not proud of it, but I am not being self-depricating about it either. That serves no purpose, and keeps me in an excuse mode of not changing it. So, what does a liar do to change the course of their life?

Tell the truth, of course. Tell it as fully and as often as possible. Confess, confess, confess!!!! That is the mode that I am presently in, I have gone from being the omitter to the confessor.

I have to say, it is quite freeing. Each time that I anticipate, and then tell the truth, about something that I have kept hidden in my life, something that I am hard pressed to want anyone to know of me, I feel so free, exhilarated, released in some way. The toxins that fill me by holding it in and denying that it is there are released, and I can create promises of how that behavior doesn’t have to be used anymore. I can start loving myself, opening up and trusting more, and experiencing the fullest love that I can imagine.

The dream, you see, is full, deep, connected love. I cannot fully have that dream if I am being dishonest, with myself and others, about areas of my life. I need transparency, openness, and freedom, in order to truly experience full love.

I am becoming ready.


9 thoughts on “The lies of omission

  1. Wow, convicting. I especially liked what you said about being self-depricating. That is right on Vanessa. I’ve caught myself before when I have been tempted to “wallow” in shame over something I wished I hadn’t done …I will say to myself, it won’t do anyone any good for me to lay there wallowing..better to confess it, dust myself off and get back in the saddle. take care- dm

  2. Thanks DM: And, you are so right; it does no good to ourselves, or others, to sit around feeling badly about stuff. Just move forward, author your life in a beautiful way.

    Thanks about the new format; I was in the mood for a change, and this one screamed, “pick me!” It feels good to be writing again. Vanessa

  3. Vanessa,
    This is so, so striking at my core. Where do I fall on this continuum?

    …the lies of omission…


    Your words strike a chord…and touch upon something that, for me especially, is all too easy to just push under the rug and ignore.

    Anyway, thank you. For writing this. For being you. For shining love…

  4. Lance: Thank you, for your honesty and transparency. I would have never considered myself to be a liar; that was a hard one to accept. However, once I did, I felt so freed up!!! Now, I omit less, although it is still a work in progress. And, no time spent on feeling badly or treating myself like garbage because of past digressions. Just moving forward…….Thanks for being you! Love, Vanessa

  5. I had similar remorse and qualms about being insincere, keeping silent when I should have spoken up, but then I realized often there is no absolute truth. Often it is really up to our best judgment. And I don’t think you’ve been a liar either. You’ve acted out of your genuine kind nature. It is a big step forward to come to realize that perhaps you were wrong in omitting certain facts, but it doesn’t make you a liar. We all do it for various reasons, often totally unconsciously.

  6. shiona: You are so right; we are using judgment, and there are varying actual truths for each of us. However, I speak about those things that I knowingly omitted, to make my own life easier. To me, those are lies, and I can live with them, knowing I want to do better than that from now on, for myself and for those that I love. Thank you so much for the read, and the support!!! Vanessa

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