I am making so many subtle, and not so subtle changes in my way of being since becoming involved with coaching, both being coached, and now, a Coach in Training through The Handel Group. Subtle, in that I am still being the person that I have always aspired to be, full of love, compassion and peace, yet to be that person more genuinely and consistently. Not so subtle, in making some major shifts in how I think, feel, and believe about aspects of life.
I am generally a pretty positive person, I have been for most of my life that I can remember. I see the up side, I believe in and trust others, I don’t judge. At least, that is what I have always thought. And, on the surface, that has been true. With the help of my Glossy Liar, my Denier, my Silent Judger, I have been able to have people believe that outer positivity, to the point that I have even believed it as well. It looks good on the surface, right?
What has helped me to see where that disconnects, is if I am having a positive attitude or thought, yet another darker, more sinister thought is lingering in the back of my mind. So, I say that I am doing great, and I smile and am energetic; however, on the inside, I am perseverating with worry; or judging what the person in front of me has or hasn’t done with their life; or how healthy or not they are. Or, I am saying that I want another person to have or do a certain thing, and the conversation in my head is saying something totally different. BIG yuck. Gross. Not who I want to be AT ALL. I know that for certain.
So, I am changing things up, in subtle and not so subtle ways. The best way I am finding to take down those sinister, dark character traits, and keep them in control and not ruling my life, is to get rid of those conversations that occur on the side, in my head. Say what I mean, mean what I say. Stay present. Be in the moment. Enjoy what is right now before me, with anticipation and expectation. And, to be genuine about all of it.
Today, what that seems and feels like to me, is joy. PURE joy. Not happiness, not positivity, not good energy. All of those areas are terrific too. However, my dream is pure JOY. Joy is what I visualize as pure light, openness, tranparency, love, and peace. THAT is what I want in my life. And, so I shall, and do, have it.
Yesterday was my birthday, and I made it a day of pure joy. The presents were awesome; the giant eclair at the kitchen table was amazing; the Julia Child recipe made by our daughter for dinner was outstanding; and the birthday wishes were full of love. However, even putting all of that aside, I choose joy because I am here, I am present, I am doing the work that is my calling to do. I am touching the world, and I am learning to trust that it is good for me to do that, and for the world to touch me back. I am believing in love, I am believing in myself, and I KNOW fully within my self, that all of my dreams are in my reach.
My life is going to mean many changes, changes that are out of my control, and changes that I actively choose to make. Some will be changes to how I have always done, said, or believed things to be. However, I know that my life, my dreams, cannot occur any other way.
I choose my dreams. I choose JOY.