The investigator

I am getting a lot better at wanting to ask questions. Wanting to find out more information about the situations and relationships in my life. And, it is such an interesting living, made by being an investigator.

I have always been so good at living inside my own head. The way someone answers me, looks at me, or walks away from me, had such clear clues in my mind of what was really going on with them, that I always knew just how they felt and what they were thinking. I was certain, no, ABSOLUTELY certain, that I knew exactly what they were thinking, and how the look on their faces was meant only for me.

The thing is, I have always considered myself to be pretty intuitive. Able to read and sense what is going on with people without them saying so. Then, when I would investigate and ask questions, they would often confirm what I had sensed, and be amazed that I was able to catch that. For those types of scenarios, a strong sense of intuition has served me well. It has been a positive experience.

Where it has been problematic for me, not just in theory but really caused problems, is in my closest relationships. In those relationships, the most active conversations that I engaged in with them existed in my head. I would not say what I was thinking or feeling, and then assume what they must be thinking in their own head in response. I would look for unsaid clues that they might leave lying around, to help confirm my thoughts or suspicions. I would investigate and do my best to come up with what I thought was the predicted result. All without asking one question to confirm or deny my suspicions.

Not a very accurate way to communicate, right?

I am stepping up the game in a big way. If I am playing this game of life to win, then I need to be clear, honest and transparent with those around me, by asking the questions that are in my mind and heart, not assuming anything, and really being willing to find out the truth. That is it, you know. I never wanted to know the real truth; it is safer to live in my head and create the story that is more palatable, rather than have to face up to the real truth is. So, as the creative weaver of stories that I am, I can make the truth whatever I want it to be.

Or, I can go for the gusto, go after the real story. Instead of looking for clues, I can ask the direct questions and find out the real truth. And guess what?

That is the stuff that is going to change my life.


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