I am working so hard at my current coaching work, digging deeper. Looking at the really dark aspects of self. Making solid promises to myself and keeping them. Enhancing the relationships with those around me, and feeling my heart and soul opening up, bit by bit.
I feel ready for greatness, ready to take on a variety of challenges, ready to take down character traits, be open to love, and have the career of my dreams.
However, with all of the designing that I am doing, what I have not been designing for is the unexpected. Those life events that happen that we don’t see coming.
Mind you, I am even viewing this a bit differently since authoring my life, designing it in new and exciting ways. I have come to understand that many of the events that I would have previously described as unexpected- relationships shifting and changing, job issues intensifying, parents aging- today I feel equipped to address those types of situations, because as I design my life, I guide the process of those events that seem to have a bit of predictability to them.
However, I am talking about those shocker events, the ones which we really don’t feel prepared for at all; the ones that we have designed our lives to avoid. Sudden death. Illness of a loved one.
Now it could be said that even these events are a product of our design, and I don’t know if I am quite there in my mind yet. I just know that I had a bad dream this morning, right before awakening, about a tragic event with a family member. It was horrible; and when I was fully awake I kept thinking, “How will I be able to handle this, in light of this heightened awareness of self? Will the unexpected, tragic events feel any less devastating, any less painful?”
I am guessing that the pain of any abrupt and unexpected loss is still going to hurt like hell. The love that I have for myself, and the love that I also keep in my heart for others, will carry on after such abrupt losses occur. I guess that is part of the heart love; that it carries on forever, even when the physical presence of those persons are long gone. The love remains, and therefore, the pain remains, at least for a time. The void of where that person once stood or was present in our lives. Missing.
I awoke this morning, feeling out of sorts and full of an acute loss, thankfully only in my dreams. What I realize the most, is that even though the unexpected can be expected, that how I carry on, how I deal with that loss is all up to me. I may not be immune to its effects, however, I can remember the love, which will ease any pain I may feel.
And it is, after all, first and foremost about the love. Always.