I almost feel my growth daily, in this process of coaching through the Handel Group and their method. Although there are those in my life that see me as falling under their influence, and just going along with the crowd, what they are teaching me, about life, dreams, and myself, is nothing short of life changing. And, the decisions that I am making to shift and change the course of my life, are mine.
That being said, as I continue to evolve toward my most brilliant self, living my most brilliant life, I feel so selfish at times. Selfish, because it seems like I am focusing so much on me, that it at first glance would seem, to myself at least, to be at the expense of others. That is a voice in my head that, depending on how confident I feel on any particular day, is louder or softer in my ear.
The interesting thing about it all, and this is a learning process for me as well, is that the more that I work on self, on taking down my ugliest traits, on calling out my most bothersome of behaviors, and confessing my untruths, the BETTER my relationships have the potential to be. With my daughter, I have definitely seen growth and improvement. I have always loved her with all of my heart, yet there have been many times in her twelve years that I have been reactive, worrisome, and overbearing. Even cold. I am changing that up, and I am so fortunate that is is still willing to trust that the changes are for good. It has opened us up and given us a new path in so many ways.
This is not so true with some of my other closest relationships. It seems difficult to be fully attending to what I am, so that I can be a better person, a better friend, lover and sister, to all of those in my life. It is not so easy for others to trust the changes. That has been a difficult path for me, because I want to be trusted; I want my changes to be valued.
And, what the lesson has become in it for me, is that any fear I have about others truly trusting me, is my own demons about not trust the changes myself.
So, for today, I am embracing my changes; I am celebrating my evolution; I am trusting that all of the changes that I am making in my life, are to bring me closer to those that I love, and in line with all of the dreams of my life. To create me as the most beautiful human that I can be.