I have had some challenging days this past week. Days when the sadness of the changes that I am going through seems to just be everywhere that I turn. Days when the steps that I am taking seem selfish, self centered and unfeeling. Moments during the day when I think about giving up, and just stop trying to go toward my dreams and just keep things as they are.
One day in particular this week was especially tough while I was in it. I was feeling the feelings of this change, of the losses associated with it, probably for the first time in my life. I am living with my heart more open than ever before. That means, I am allowing myself to truly be in the emotions of what is happening in my life, feeling them rather than trying to push them away somehow. It is frightening at times, at how raw and real it is, yet, so human at the same time.
This is also the first time that I am going through a major life change, in this case, the ending of a relationship, when I am completely sober. In the past, when relationships have ended, I have spent much of the time following the breakup as drunk as I could get. I would run, drink, spend, eat- anything and everything to run and hide from the situation, or to numb myself from the emotions of it.
Those days are now long gone.
Even though how I am now living my life brings its own challenges, it is real, it is full, and I am choosing all of the steps along the way. I am finding more and more of my personal integrity, and my actions, thoughts and intentions are lining up. I have dreams and goals, and I see where my life is going. I am clear, focused and without the distraction of booze. I feel like I deserve to have this happiness and these dreams.
So, today, I am honoring the life changes that I am making, and the bravery that it takes to make them. I am honoring my open heart, and my willingness to feel all that it is offering to me. I am honoring my moving forward, by readying a space for myself, and making it a place that feels good to be in.
I am honoring myself, and my life moving forward. I am inspired, loving and ready.