I am working diligently at taking down my character traits, those aspect of self that I have held onto for most of my life. Many of them are not pleasant, however, have been effective, or so I thought, in meeting some of my needs. So, all of my life, I have held onto them and use them over and over. Believe me, I have done some serious damage to my closest relationships with these babies.
When I began on this journey of Life coaching, through the Handel Group, I really started working hard at facing up to and taking down my traits. They don’t go down easily. They are sneaky and ugly and don’t want to be found out. However, I am bound and determined to take them down. The one that is close to be taken down completely is my Control Freak. This has wreaked havoc in my closest relationships, and under its influence I transform myself into a nagging bitch. Of course, the story that I have told myself my entire life of this, is that I only have the other person’s best interest in mind, when I tell them what to do and control all aspects of daily living. I mean, EVERYTHING. From chores, to money, to pets and laundry and parenting. What a big responsibility!
Of course, no one deemed me with all of these duties but myself. Yet, I managed to exert this control AND at the same time, blame all the people around me for not pitching in and saving me from myself. Silly, right? I have learned to laugh at the ridiculousness (?) of this type of stuff, so that I can see the humanness in it all, and get motivated to change it without calling myself names.
So, I started putting promises in place months ago to take it down; I kept them pretty consistently, and served consequences when I broke them. Recently, in an attempt to take down my Control Freak once and for all, I started writing down every time that I would use it during the day. That was hard, because the closer I got to taking this down, the sneakier it got. So, I found it out in the most common situations and with the most frequent persons in my life. And, today, for the most part, it is gone. It still manages its way in here and there, and I am learning about my triggers with it, yet it is much better than it was.
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The key for me is deciding what I want to replace this with; I don’t want to know myself, or have others describing me as a Control Freak. What I want instead is to be Full of Faith; to trust that others, and my Higher Power, can take care of those things that I have no control over. That I don’t have to do everything, nor do I want to do everything. What a relief, to only be in charge of me. The way life is meant to be.
I am getting done, and loving it.