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There are many days that go by, when I feel confident and secure and contented. On days like those, it is not difficult to remember how resilient and capable I am. However, I don’t particularly think about how strong I am.
On a day like today, I can recognize my own personal strength. Today, I faced the choices that are ahead of me full on. The need to find an apartment, find it in a place that I like, find a place that will allow my kitties. I faced up to the goodbyes that are now imminent, as I move forward and on and out. I faced head on that I won’t be living with our daughter every day.
And, in the midst of all of that, the goodbyes and the grief and the tears and the fear, I realized yet again how strong I am. I have a strong will. I have strong desire to fulfill my dreams. I have strong convictions to keep my promises and keep moving forward.
Let me tell you, on a day like today, I don’t want to be strong. On several occasions today, I let the tears fill up my eyes and wanted to crawl under my desk into a ball. However, I didn’t do that, and before I knew it, I had gotten so much work accomplished, and had actually done it thoroughly, compassionately and effectively. One moment and one task at a time.
I am strong. I am able to face up to the journey that is ahead of me and to actually have gratitude that the lessons that are inherently part of it. They aren’t always lessons that I would have wished to learn in this way, however, they are bringing me so much knowledge about myself and what it is that I do, and I don’t want in my life. That part is truly amazing.
I am strong because I am here for our daughter, even when I am filled with grief at these losses, and building a firm foundation of love, compassion and truth for her. Every time that I speak the truth out loud, to her and to others, I set a path for her that is healthy and full of love.
I am strong. I know that no matter what I face, I will come through it shining.