I have had many laws in place over the course of my life about my behavior of lying. Over the last year, as I am taking down my Glossy Liar trait, I have tried to soften the blow of this trait by calling it something other than lying. Bending the truth. Not telling everything. Withholding.
The truth about it, is that you cannot call lying anything other than that. Anything else just sounds like bullshit and like I am trying to get over or make excuses. I have been a liar in my life, about many things.
So, as I genuinely work very hard to get rid of this trait, and be as honest, transparent and truthful of a person that I can be, I set out to find the laws that I have had in my life to keep my liar in place. These are a few of the ones that I came up with:
1. I want to look good at any cost, in all ways. Therefore, I will lie about myself to look good.
2. I never want to be wrong, so if I am not truthful about something, I can be right.
3. I don’t want to ever feel powerless, and telling the full truth leaves me feeling too vulnerable.
4. I a better than other people, so I have to lie to hide the bad parts of myself so I can maintain that image.
5. I don’t want to trust myself or others, so I can’t tell the truth because that is ultimate trust.
6. I am the expert, so others should just defer to me and my wealth of knowledge, even if I am bullshitting my way through it.
Now, reading these old laws over, they don’t have to make sense logically, and some of them actually make me laugh out loud. However, I know that new laws are what I need to take my Glossy Liar down for good, and to learn to be as truthful as I can to the world about who I am.
In the past, I have said that I want to be loved for who I truly am, yet the kicker is, I never showed who that true person was to the world. I was so afraid of so many things: rejection, being alone, conflict, being wrong. Today, I know that if I am speaking from my heart, it may feel scary, but it feels truer than I have ever lived my life before. Today, I know that I don’t have to lie, and that anything that comes into my life as a result of being my true self will be sweet and well worth it.
I am ready.