Learning to trust myself

I was on my call with my coach yesterday, through the Handel Group. I was filling her in on my newest accomplishment, which is maintaining my weight week to week, without keeping a food log. About three years ago, when I decided I wanted to take the last 25 or so pounds off, and keep it off for good, I started logging my food each day. I had never done that before, and had always gained back the weight, or played around with losing at least. The food log worked, for years.

But lately, it seemed that even with the food log, even with obsessing at times about what was, and wasn’t, going into my mouth, I was fluctuating week to week by a few pounds at times. I finally opened up and talked to my buddy about it, and asked her what she thought; I told her that I was considering letting go of the image of a certain “number” to see on the scale, and just get real and get healthy about what I saw and felt. She said, absolutely!!! She also told me that I had to LOVE who I saw in the mirror, and that it would never work if I didn’t, no matter what the scale said.

So, what she said to me hit home for me, and I stopped logging my food. I was a bit scared, because I still didn’t quite trust myself. However, I added another step, too. I started loving who I saw in the mirror, and began every day, looking at myself before or after my shower, and only thinking powerful, affirming thoughts. And, I found that I started trusting myself more, without the log. I ate when I was hungry, only until satisfied, I didn’t mindlessly eat, I didn’t binge, and I kept on exercising. And, the scale said beautiful things, and I loved, and still do, what I see on the scale and in the mirror. I really, deeply trust myself, for the first time in my life.

Making that connection with my coach, and realizing that in many areas of my life right now, I am deepening my trust for myself, was profound. Because I trust the big change that I am making this weekend, with my move to a new place, is helping to avoid going to “feeling guilty” or “bad”, and instead, riding along with the moments, showing compassion, being firm, yet loving, and going forward.

Trusting myself is an amazing journey, and I am so glad that I am finally here!

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