I don’t mean to be actively counting down, yet I am. Counting down the days until I am living somewhere else. Counting down the days until I have a space that I truly feel at peace in, which I haven’t felt in my current environment in a long time. Countdown to a relief from the daily pain of this process. Countdown to taking a leap off a cliff that leads to a brilliant body of water…..
I know that the leaving of the home brings with it some sadness for me. Since Saturday, I have been saying at the end of each night, “This is the last Sunday I will live here; this is the last Monday that I will sleep here”; the last dinner, dog walk or watching DVD’s together. And, the thing is, I don’t feel dramatic and devastated by that. I feel factual about it, and a sense of closure. Closure for me, brings some sadness, because it is the end of a chapter of my life that had some brilliant, loving moments. However, it is true time for it to come to a close.
I have been taking items to the new home for a few days now, and as I walk into it, I can envision what I will do to make it ours. I can see my daughter’s room as the way that she wants it for herself. I can see the brilliant colors that I intend for my kitchen, and my garden in the side yard, full of tomatoes. I see our chairs on the side porch for evenings after dinner, and the drapes that are going to beautify our living room. I absolutely love what it is, and what we will create it to be.
So, I know that there is sadness there, yet the bigger part is a profound feeling of being so right, such a proper decision. Even with the sadness and other emotions that have been swirling in our world around this, this is absolutely the right thing to do. For all of us. For me.
In just four days, I will be driving home, which will be a whole different place. It will feel new at first, maybe even foreign, however, it will be my own and bring me home in so many ways for me in my life.