Healing.

I feel some healing going on. Healing of my heart and soul. Healing of my mind and what it is that I choose to focus on. In the right here and now, I truly believe that everything is going to be okay.

In the last eight days, I feel like I have been in a wind tunnel. Fighting against the strong gale force that is pushing me in one direction if I let go; yet going against it to not be pushed. In one way, letting go is the only way to get through all that is happening. In another way, pushing against the prevailing winds is the only way to get through.

So, the only way to true healing, I am discovering as I write these very words, is to feel the wound, and to speed up the recovery; only through doing both will I heal fully.

I never used to want to feel the pain of loss and grief in my life. I remember when I was in college, and my beloved Nana died of cancer while I was in my Sophomore year. She was the closest person to me to have died up to that point. I was so grief stricken, numb. I just could not believe that she was gone. However, I did all that I could to not feel all the pain of it. And, when my grades that semester sucked, I had a hard time understanding why. I didn’t want to acknowledge how deeply I was hurting, and I didn’t give myself the time I was due to heal. I pretended it didn’t hurt, and just sped up the recovery before I was ready.

Today, I know that to either dwell on the wound, or pretend it doesn’t hurt, to do either of those things exclusively does nothing to aid in the healing of a deep hurt. I have to do some of both for it to heal and to leave as slight of a scar as possible. So, I have spent the last few days feeling the pain of loss and change, and also, creating my new home to speed up the recovery.

So yes, I am healing, it feels like we all are, and I am proud that it is not because we ignore the pain or the difficult moments, but because we feel them and allow ourselves to absorb all parts, so the healing can be long lasting.

We are all going to be okay.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Healing.

  1. your word picture of being in a wind tunnel is right on. In nature, plants cell structure is strengthened by being tossed to and fro by the wind. A tomato plant that is grown in a sheltered enviroment, will collapse as it matures because while it looks healthy, it actually needed the adversity to stimulate cell growth. I grew a tomato plant this Spring in my office and saw this very thing work out before my eyes.

  2. DM: It was so funny, strange I mean, that as I wrote it, the wind tunnel is what came to me. I never knew that about tomato plants, and I am growing so wee seedlings right now and will keep that in mind!!! Thanks my friend!

  3. Hi Vanessa,

    I’ve always seen you update in facebook and I love your posts here. I’m still building my new blog and there is nothing in there yet but I am hoping we could exchange links.

    Thanks,

    Jonna

  4. Hi Vanessa,

    So, here we are now.
    From cybermeetings, cloaked, to an unveiling in trust.
    I am happy you are developing ways to live with compassion – for yourself!

    The “how to deal with loss” completely resonates with me. On a daily basis, it is recognizing the smallest disappointment. Then, taking time to wonder – why? The disappointment will help reveal an inner desire. If I manage to embrace the pain in it. Then, if I can show that, show my vulnerability to a fellow human… well that’s when little miracles start to happen.

    And they do!

    I’ll try to visit once a month or so. Our offline lives our busy and I dont want to start hiding in the online one again…

    Big hug!!

    The blogger formerly known as Tink 😉

  5. MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so right; when we see what the source of the loss and pain is, and open up about it, suddenly, or not so suddenly, we are moving closer to our fellow humans. FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Ah, you wrote this blog on my birthday. It feels like a gift to me. Thx for sharing the wisdom that comes from your journey.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s