I have to say, it is truly a tremendous feeling when I make, and keep a promise these days. I have never been that good and keeping promises, although I loved making them to people. Whether I made them to the person whom I was in relationship with, or my siblings or parents, I often did not keep them. Of course, at the time, there was always good reason: I got busy; the relationship went poorly, so I was justified in leaving; I was sick, tired, etc…….
Today, I kept a really big promise to myself, and now, even though it is almost midnight and I am beat tired, I kept my word to me. I was asked to give my time and talent to a chapter of a textbook that is being published. It has been in the works for a year, and because I have been bratty about many parts of the project, I either did it poorly, or postponed beginning, and then, finishing it. Today was the day for me to finish the chapter, and hopefully submit my final rewrite. I just finished it.
I didn’t want to do it, mind you. I have wanted to quit this project about a dozen times, or have them quit me. It isn’t for lack of loving the topic; or lack of loving to write. It wasn’t even about the time for it. At first, it was about not wanting others to scrutinize, and possibly criticize my work. As I take down my Snotty Know it All, and my Control Freak, I realize that I don’t know everything, thankfully, and that I may not know how others will respond to something that I do, yet as long as I give my best, that will do.
In the beginning, I didn’t give my best. I asked for an extension to the deadline, which they granted me, and then didn’t write that well. I didn’t do my best, that is for sure. The first rewrite was brutal; not just because of the amount of work to it, but also the fact that when I read it back over, I knew that it was lousy. I was not on my game at all.
Tonight, I just finished my third rewrite; it had more of me in it, it flowed more naturally, and I felt the content rather than just spitting out facts. I think this is the one, and when I realize that I almost gave up on a dream- a dream to be published as a writer- I had to laugh at myself.
So, tonight, as I go off to slumber, I take pride in knowing that I kept many promises today, and just 18 minutes short of the strike of midnight, I kept the biggest one I had today.
I feel great.