Part of the work that I am doing with my coaching through the Handel Group is with the purpose of deepening the personal relationships in my life. One of the biggest parts of what I am creating in 2011 is deeper, more honest and more loving relationships with those people in my life that mean the most, as well as those whose lives I am destined to touch in that time. It has been a very eye opening experience, not about others, but about myself.
It is so interesting and funny to me how much I have done in my life to avoid going deeper into my closest relationships. In my intimate partner relationships, I would avoid problems, say that everything was just fine, and then be unhappy because I wasn’t being honest. I would blame the other person most of the time for not being honest, when I was just as big of a liar. What I am learning about myself is that I like to hide from tough conversations, and how I am addressing that is to make time with those whom I have been dishonest with and getting honest with them. And, keeping it that way.
With my family, I would not tell them things going on in my life, except the surface information, so that I didn’t have to deal with whether or not I assumed that they would “approve or disapprove” of my ideas or my actions. I was afraid to lose my position of being held up in pride and how the truth would influence that. What I have learned is that my family loves me, and that they are very interested in who I truly am and what I have to say, whether they agree or disagree with me. The love exists no matter what.
My friendships are an area that I have always taken for granted. When a new job, relationship or home location would occur in my life, I would often leave my friends behind, and with the excuse that I was just too busy being happy in my new corner of the world. As I go forward, I understand that friendships are an integral part of my life, and they keep me social, centered and having fun. I am realizing that if I blow off my friends, then I am being a brat, and then when I am disappointed that they are not there for me, I am not owning up to my own shit. I keep connected to my friends now through calls and visits, so that I give them the time and energy that they deserve.
What is so amazing about all of these changes is that the results are amazing. I truly am more deeply connected to the people in my life, I feel like they know me more deeply, and I know them better than ever. I am a work in progress, yet I love the results that I am seeing so far. Life is good.