From the time that I was a teenager, I knew that one of my dreams was to have a baby. Back then, the dream involved a husband, white picket fence, station wagon and kids. As many of you may know, much of that did not come to fruition, gratefully so. For me, I discovered that I wanted not a husband, but a wife; the white picket fence hasn’t been in the cards yet; and I drove station wagons only for work. The baby, I decided after I had come out, was going to be a reality no matter what for me.
Luckily, I met someone who wanted to have a child as well, so it was a dream that we would fulfill together. The parts of pregnancy, nesting, giving birth and caring for a tiny being were all pretty eye opening and magical for me. Having a baby and watching her grow was pretty powerful stuff. However, nothing compares to the realization and the discovering of how to become a mom.
Becoming and being a mom has been an ongoing process for me. It has been trial and error, it has been holding on tightly and letting go; it has been tears, laughter, frustration and then repeat over and over again. Recently, it has been how to support and love my daughter, and also let her figure out things for herself. Being a mom is all that, and so much more.
When I envisioned having a baby thirty years ago, I didn’t think about all of these parts that go into having a child, and raising it in the best way possible. I didn’t have concerns about safety and boys and driving in the future. I didn’t think about how much my heart would break when my daughter is hurting. Now, I feel all that, and am so grateful for it.
I told my own mom and dad today, what a completely amazing job and experience it is being a parent, probably the most important thing that I will do with my life. I know that it isn’t about perfection, or not ever messing up, however, it feels so amazing and inspiring to witness what a beautiful being that she is becoming.
I am so honored to be a mom, her mom. Truly honored.