Inside, and outside.

Last night, I was at an AA meeting close to home. I always walk away from my weekly meetings with a new revelation, a new part of my recovery that helps in the journey. Last night was no different in that regard.

One of the premises of AA is the sense of fellowship, the community that we become a part of. And, what was stated at the meeting was, that the first year of sobriety is about healing and recovery of self, and after that first year, our recovery becomes about what we can do for AA, and do for others.

I was astounded at how true those words were to me, not in their meaning, but rather, in the absolute truth of it. I have been working my sobriety, and working on my self, more actively than ever in the last two years. What I realized as I reflected on that statement last night, and again this morning, is that I am evolving into a person that is so aware of what I want to do for and with others.

For much of my adult life, I have offered of myself, but it always had a caveat to it; I always wanted to be recognized for what I gave or offered. Even though I said that I didn’t want recognition, I kept thoughts in my head that I did, and when I didn’t get acknowledged, I would hold resentment about it and believe that I was not appreciated. What a trap!

Since I have been working on calling out my character traits, communicating more honestly with others, and apologizing where it was necessary to open up the relationship and go to a deeper place. Now that I am feeling confident in my willingness to open up communication, and own my traits without going to feeling badly about them, I feel so opened up to offer to others.

It is so exciting to me, because for the first time in my life, I feel the importance of being the same person in all parts of my life, and the importance of speaking the truth with those in my life from the very beginning. I have reflected on the messes created in my life when I haven’t spoken the truth, and seen the powerful results when I do speak the truth.

So, as I go forward today, in my commitment to my recovery, and to my life, I am excited to offer what I am learning, and who I am, with all of those around me. Going from inside of my self, to outside of my self, feels revolutionary and evolutionary all at the same time.

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