strong>So, here I am, 49 years old, holding the belief that I am becoming more transparent than eer before in my life. Two years ago, I thought that I was such an open book. I was so wrong.
Years ago, transparency seemed to mean that I would alleviate the pain and fear of others, and give an impression of all knowing, and having it all together, with no pain, struggle, or difficulty of my own. Why that no longer works for me, is because it was not a truthful way to be. Even though acting that way seemed to be in the other person’s best interest, it really wasn’t. It never allowed others to be able to stand on their own, and it never allowed others to know me as I truly was.
Today, I understand the importance of telling the truth, and asking for the truth, from others in my life. It is my ability to be more open and vulnerable than ever before. Transparency is the only way for me to truly know myself, and to love and portray that self in all areas of my life, and with all the persons in my life.
For most of my adult life, I wasn’t sure who I was and what was most important to me. I was a different person with different groups of people. Today, I really like who I am, I know who I am, and I am proud to show that self to others. I show that self to friends, family, coworkers and neighbors. My sense of identity feels grounded, strong and secure.
I have been blessed for much of my life, and have been surrounded with family and friends to love and support me. What a relief to finally be who I really am, with them, and more importantly, with myself.