Monthly Archives: February 2012

Telling the Radical Truth.

I am learning more all the time about tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Not my strongest skill over periods of my life.

Sure, I have told part of the truth about many things. I have told the full truth even, on occasion. However, much less frequently than I should be. And, not having feelings of pride around times when I withheld big parts of the truth, of what I was really feeling, thinking and believing.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard a person at an AA meeting refer to her use of Radical Truth. I was intrigued, and scared. Can I really get there? Have I been that far off from that type of truth?

Absolutely to both.

Radical truth is about telling our full truth, and having faith and trust, as well as hope, that all will be well. Knowing that when we take care of the parts of our truth that are for us to own fully, the rest will come to pass.

Radical Truth comes about through Faith.

So, it is really no accident that faith, and my identifying with it consistently, has been a struggle for me in my life. I have had trouble letting go enough to be able to trust in something bigger than myself, who was watching over me all the time. So, telling the truth, and fearing the result, was just too scary, because I didn’t have faith that all would fall into place.

Today, my faith continues to deepen, and I have trust that all will be well. Not just because of my faith, however. Also, because I know that I can tell the truth with love, compassion and grace, and that my world will change because I am changing it, too.

Radical Truth means speaking, living, and standing in my full truth, being transparent, and showing my same self to all of those in my life, no matter in what capacity. It also means feeling proud, and standing tall in that, in the type of life that I am creating.

So, today, I am about telling, and living, from a space of Radical Truth. I am open, I have faith, and I am ready to believe in the dream and what will be.

And how I am designing all of it.

Just ask!

I have, for most of my life, refused to ask questions of others about much of anything. Whether it was asking someone for directions before or during travel; how to do an aspect of a new job; or the best product to buy, I almost always tried to figure it out on my own.

Now, this hasn’t been because I didn’t want to bother other people, which I told myself for awhile. It wasn’t even because I didn’t want to look stupid or foolish, it was even a bigger reason than this. It was because I wanted to be the one who was right, who knew best.

It was all about arrogance.

Arrogance has been one of the most difficult traits for me to take down, and I am learning that more and more as I continue my training as a Coach in Training through The Handel Group. I have masked this trait by hiding behind being scared, or not wanting to bother others, but it really is about being right, knowing the answers, not wanting to be accountable to anyone else. Dark, hmmm?

The great part is, I can love that dark stuff now, and when I am willing to love that part of myself, I can admit it and come clean about it more often, because it is human, it is normal, and it frees me from living a lie.

So, I put this in place in my daily life, by keeping track of any arrogant thoughts or actions that I catch in myself, and, in asking as many questions of others as possible. It still hangs around, believe me. There are still times when I assume that I know what is happening, when there is no way that I should know about it. So, I clean it up with the other person, and learn the lesson even more deeply.

The more aware I am of my own thoughts and behaviors, means the more present that I am to my life. It also means that I can take accountability for my actions, rather than putting it on someone else, and really open up my relationships with others in the process.

Life is great, and I am learning to love not knowing so much!

Enjoying every bite.

Since I was a kid, actually since about eight years old, I have been fat. Overweight. Chubby. I heard it and thought it all of myself. I have lost weight, gained it back, done diets and pills and meetings and plans. Some have been successful, for a period of time, and others failed miserably. Today, I am at a weight that I am proud of and maintaining, for the longest period of my life, over a year now.

Yet, getting what you want can be a tricky thing. You see, when I have lost lots of weight in the past, say, fifty pounds, it felt great and I was so proud of my accomplishment. And then, I started taking it for granted, like once I dropped the weight, I could go back to eating however and whatever I wanted. And magically, those pounds found their way back to me. Funny, huh?

I have caught myself at my own game after all of these years. And now, I have a food and exercise regimen that seems to work for me, and I am consistent about it. I weigh myself once a week, same day and same time of day every week. And you know, even after a year, of maintaining my weight most of the time in a two to four pound weight range, I think I can relax and not pay attention to my dream: to have, and to keep, my in shape, sexy and healthy body. So, I stop counting bites here and there. I snack all the time on hard candy. I don’t measure my portions. It all adds up.

So, this week, I added some new rules. Like, no hard candy for a week. No desserts or treats at night, besides ONE piece of dark chocolate, or fruit. And, I have also committed to slowing down my eating, savoring every single bite. I am playing a game to take at least fifteen minutes for each meal, to eat, and to put my fork down more when I am eating, in between my bites. Really appreciating and savoring each one.

What I figured out when I started this new game yesterday, is that this is a lot like life and how I look at it these days. It isn’t always about taking a big bite out of life, and seeing how easily we can chew on it. For me, now more than ever, it is about being present, taking my time, and really focusing on here and now, and what I am doing in it.

And, savoring every, single bite.

What love really means.

I woke up this morning thinking about a potential scenario that might happen in my head, with a person that I love and care about the next time that I see that person. It wasn’t a positive scenario that I was envisioning; rather, it was conflictual and didn’t feel very loving. It brought anxiety and worry with the thought.

Instead of staying with that, for a long period of time, I tried to turn it around to what is really in that thought, what can I bring to it that I haven’t before? I cannot predict how this person will be with me the next time we encounter one another, but how can I design the scenario, both in my head and in my real world, differently?

It took me to thinking about love, and what love really means. Love in my new language, means something a bit differently than I have envisioned it before. For starters, it means championing for those that we love to be who it is that they can be, not what I want them to be. It means cheering for what their dreams are, not the ones that I think are best for them. That one is a big shift for me, because I have often defined love based on what I believe is best for that person. In the name of love, ironically!

The bigger AHA for me this morning though, is that love is about compassion, and presence of what that other person may be experiencing. To envision a conflict with someone, and to believe in my mind that it is all about me, is self centered and not very loving. I want to gain understanding about how circumstances affect all of those around me, through asking, and also, through being present in that moment to what they may want and need. Someone struggling with me isn’t really about me, after all. It is about them.

I know that in gaining more and more insight about what love is, and is not, will help me to find the brilliant connection to the world that I am seeking, and to heal myself as well as others.

Learning to be strong.

Strong Vanessa. That is how I stand now. Standing strong, healing, and proud. What a change from where I have been.

I have had courage in my life, I have felt proud of my accomplishments and what I have done. But I don’t recall ever using the term, strong for myself. At least, not with any regularity. It hardly seemed fitting.

Three weeks ago, I was invited to be strong, to start to see myself as strong. And, I agreed, and decided that it was time for me to get strong, be strong, and stand strong.

So, each day, I write down the ways in which I stand strong in my life. The examples of me being strong have been there, almost daily, and with each time that I stand strong in my life, I feel myself get more and proud of the life and the person that I am creating and becoming. I want to shine in my integrity, live a brilliant life, feel proud of what I am creating.

It is not perfection. I know there will continue to be days when I feel vulnerable or less motivated to move toward my dreams. I catch myself more, so that I don’t get stuck in that trap of feeling like there is nothing I can do about it. There is always something that I can do about it. Always a way that I can get stronger, and feel better, about the life that I am living and creating.

I am strong, I am proud, I am healing, and I am becoming my whole self that I am meant to be. Incredible.