I woke up this morning thinking about a potential scenario that might happen in my head, with a person that I love and care about the next time that I see that person. It wasn’t a positive scenario that I was envisioning; rather, it was conflictual and didn’t feel very loving. It brought anxiety and worry with the thought.
Instead of staying with that, for a long period of time, I tried to turn it around to what is really in that thought, what can I bring to it that I haven’t before? I cannot predict how this person will be with me the next time we encounter one another, but how can I design the scenario, both in my head and in my real world, differently?
It took me to thinking about love, and what love really means. Love in my new language, means something a bit differently than I have envisioned it before. For starters, it means championing for those that we love to be who it is that they can be, not what I want them to be. It means cheering for what their dreams are, not the ones that I think are best for them. That one is a big shift for me, because I have often defined love based on what I believe is best for that person. In the name of love, ironically!
The bigger AHA for me this morning though, is that love is about compassion, and presence of what that other person may be experiencing. To envision a conflict with someone, and to believe in my mind that it is all about me, is self centered and not very loving. I want to gain understanding about how circumstances affect all of those around me, through asking, and also, through being present in that moment to what they may want and need. Someone struggling with me isn’t really about me, after all. It is about them.
I know that in gaining more and more insight about what love is, and is not, will help me to find the brilliant connection to the world that I am seeking, and to heal myself as well as others.