I have embarked on some pretty significant changes in my life, starting this week. Tomorrow, I begin part time status from my day job, and stepping more definitively into my journey as a life coach with the Handel Group. I will be working from home more, and getting ready to make my big break before the end of 2012. I am ready for it, so ready.
Yet, all last week, I wanted to bail. I wanted to run the other way, away from the change. I wanted, and I tried, to postpone it, to stop the wheels that I had already put into motion. However, it had already been decided, and my decision had to go forward.
I spent much of last week scared, hiding, and pretending that I was great with it all. I was great, with most of it all, and most of the time. And, I also felt filled with fear about how it was going to turn out at other times.
So, yesterday morning, I went to one of my favorite AA meetings, that I haven’t been to in awhile. It is in a new location, and as it turned out, we actually held it inside of the actual church, sitting in pews, the leader of the meeting sitting near the pulpit. Fascinating.
The topic of the meeting, was change. And, although I have shared before in meetings, I had a lump in my throat before I started to share what I knew that I had to. That change can be difficult, and unwanted, even when we want it. The funny part of this change, is that I was wanting it, wishing for it to happen. I laid the ground work; I put it into motion. And then, I wanted to stop it.
I shared my changes with the group, felt emotional, yet connected, and I felt so much better. Every person in that room that shared, has trouble with change, just like me. The difference with this change, for me, is that, if I get stuck, overwhelmed, or feel like I need to do something different, I don’t have to drink over it. I have lots of support around me to take another path and still feel great about where I am going.
There is tremendous power in not living in my head, and using the resources around me to get support, and to know that I am not alone. It is one more example of why I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, learning the lessons I most need to learn.