So, this past Sunday was my two year anniversary of sobriety. Two years ago, I made the conscious decision to put down the drink, because my life had become unmanageable. Sure, I still went to work every day, was a decent parent, and was able to pay my bills. But, I rarely said no to a drink; I never had just one; and I would drive after drinking more often than I care to admit. With my loved ones in the car.
Two years ago, I got called a liar about my drinking, which was true, and I said ENOUGH. I could have made a promise to not drink and drive ever; I could have abstained for a period of time to see what it felt like. I could have taken other measures that may have worked well enough for me. However, complete and total sobriety felt like the necessary choice.
Some months later, after successfully staying sober on my own, I found myself in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, as a consequence for a promise broken. I didn’t want to be there. I was totally convinced that I could do it on my own forever. I couldn’t believe that it could teach me anything that I needed to learn.
I was so wrong.
Walking into those rooms, with the support of a close friend, was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. In the last two years, I have learned so much in the rooms, about others, but mainly, about myself. How human I am. How normal I am.
How many people there are with stories, just like me.
And so, I have been going to a meeting at least once a week, getting support, meeting others, and connecting. Still, I believed that I had as much as I needed in terms of knowledge. What more could someone teach me?
Again, SO wrong!
I was at a meeting, one week ago, and so much said that day spoke to right where I was at. Not reaching out for help. Living in my own head. Thinking I had all the answers.
So, for the first time, I asked someone to be my sponsor. And, after chatting with me for a few minutes, she said yes.
I was ready, and the teacher appeared.
It took me all of this time in the rooms to feel willing to ask a guide to help me on the journey. Not dealing with the desire to drink; that is long gone today. Rather, someone to take me through the steps, to help me to keep managing my thinking, and to keep growing into the person that I most want to be.
What I continue to understand, is that it isn’t Karma or fate or luck at work in the way that my life turns out, or doesn’t.
It is simply my willingness to be taught.