So, I have recently started the endeavor of dating. Getting myself out there, meeting new people, getting connected.
It can be a pretty intimidating experience.
In the past, I have not been real savvy at dating people, at least, more than one person at a time. It felt weird, and complicated, and like it took a lot of energy and time. However, instead I would go to the other extreme, of meeting someone, feeling some type of connection, and moving in two weeks later.
The other pattern for me in the past, was presenting this illusion of who I was, or who I wanted others to see when they looked at me, versus who I really am. In those times, it is possible that I wasn’t always clear on who I was; but there were also clearly times when I knowingly put on a front of being someone I wasn’t; who laughed at jokes that were at other peoples’ expense; who said I was fine when I wasn’t.
I also never dated before as a sober person. Every person that I had relationships with, or even, just dated for a period of time, I had met in a bar, or somehow affiliated with alcohol.
So, I know this time around, the rules for me have gotta change.
First, I am sober. Everything that I experience as I go forward into dating, and ultimately, in a relationship, will be done without some chemical substance to block the sensation. That is new territory for me, and it means that I get to feel things as they really are, not as an artificial buzz.
Secondly, I have to trust my intuition when it comes to dating. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If the person doesn’t seem like my type, then to politely say no thank you. To be honest, forthright, and maintain integrity from the beginning.
And, biggest of all, is to genuinely be myself. To find love in my life, I have to be willing to be the love that I seek. I have to be open about who I am, what I desire, and all parts of self. I have to be willing to answer and ask challenging questions. I have to tell the truth. I have to be me.
This all feels strange to me, like I am living in a new land as I go on this quest. Yet, I know, that if I stand by who my true self is, I will meet the person that wants to share that with me.