Monthly Archives: September 2012

The tree on the beach.

I have been at the beach, in North Carolina, for the last week. For me, being by the ocean is a healing, cleansing experience. I feel so connected and complete here. And, I love to walk by the sea and find shells, and feel the surf wash over my feet.

This time, I also have spent my early mornings in meditation, connecting with my love from far away. It has been a deeply spiritual experience. And, I found a spot that has been perfect for it. A tree on the beach.

When I first discovered the tree, I thought that it was growing there, and that the surface of it was worn from the ocean winds. Then, I realized that it was not growing there at all, but a piece of a tree, standing upright in the sand.

The story that I have created is that a strong storm set it up on the beach, standing upright, and that it has stood there ever since. Even without its roots dug deeply into the ground, as I sat and meditated upon it this morning, I felt its life force, the history that it has, the life that it has lived.

I thought about love, the type of love that I am in and continue to build. It is resilient, strong, no matter what the circumstances are that we may face. The tides of our lives have carried us around the world and back, yet we have been set, upright, to stand strongly against winds and waves that may be strong and powerful.

I also thought about our love in a rooted way as well; two seedlings, that have landed in the lush forest, soil that is rich and full, and both seedlings taking root. Side by side, the seedlings grow each day, spreading roots in either direction, and also, roots intertwining with one another.

A love, that is created in independence, and interdependence. Roots that grow separately and together. Deeply dug in, and holding each other up.

That is the love that we are creating. One that holds its integrity in two living vessels, and builds integrity together as well.

I am humbled, joyful and so blessed to be on this journey. Life is magical, and full of promise.

Love, rooted and resilient.

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I am a gentle Warrior.

I have spent much of my life, especially the last two years, discovering who I am and what my purpose is here. As much as I knew myself, or thought that I did, I have figured out precisely who I am and why I am here now.

And, the feeling is amazing, inspiring, and magical.

I am a gentle Warrior. Compassionate, warm and loving, while being strong, independent and free.

What a gorgeous combination.

One year ago, I felt inspired and wrote this overview of who I am, and why I am here:

I know my mission and I feel it in every fiber of my being.
I am a gentle Warrior.
I am Powerful and a messenger to others.
I have healing energies that I am taking into the world with every breath.
I am whirling my magic in my life and the lives of others.
I manifest whatever I intend.
My connections with those around me are deep, loving and true.
I am full of light, love and creativity.
I am willing to go as deep as I am able to find my truth.
I know that my path is certain.

As I re-read this, I am filled with such a sense of purpose and opportunity. I embrace my gentleness and my strength. I embrace my capability to act, and to feel and connect. I celebrate the magic of who I am, and who I will be for others.

I feel my fierce nature, and my warmth and loving spirit. They are an amazing combination.

I have been either one or the other for all of my life. When being a warrior, I have been impulsive, fierce, angry, and judgmental. When being gentle, I have been passive, secretive, and afraid.

Today I still get afraid; I still wonder at times if I am on the right path. I wonder at times if I am acting in integrity, and if I need to be holding myself to a higher purpose.

And, when I wonder that way, and feel afraid, the difference today is that I don’t run from it; I glean the lesson and go forward more strong and purposeful than ever before.

I am fierce.
I am capable.
I am strong.
I am gentle.
I am loving.
I am open.
I am curious.
I am FREE.

Tuning in.

This weekend, my love took me for a walk at a lake near her house, to a spot there that she loves to visit, and meditate and be with nature. I was so excited to see the place, and also, to just have some quiet time together, enjoying the world and the view. We decided to meditate together there, which was fascinating for me.

I have been doing daily meditation for quite a while now, a practice that took a lot of doing before it felt natural to me. I remember that almost two years ago, when I began to integrate it into my daily living, sitting for five minutes quietly, and letting go of the dozens of thoughts that plagued my mind, seemed impossible. I was distracted, and frustrated, and totally believing that I would not be able to settle and tune in. Yet, I got better at it, and soon, was meditating, on my way to work every day, for thirty minutes. Now, I meditate and reflect every morning, and it is a great way to wake up.

So, as we sat by the lake this weekend, it seemed so familiar to sit in that beautiful space and call up that part of myself that is quiet and reflective. Yet, I felt like I wanted to expand it more for myself, in that experience. So, I got myself really present to tuning in to my surroundings. I really focused on being able to hear the wind blowing through the trees, the rustle of some creature walking in the woods, and the smells of the wet, damp earth. At one point, I really wanted to be able to hear the sound of the water, hitting the rocks that were below us, and soon, I was even tuned into that. It created such a deep and full experience for me.

I thought about radios, and how, when I still use mine in my kitchen at home, there are the slightest adjustments I need to make, to be able to tune into the station that I want to listen to. If I am off, just by a slight turn of the dial, the station doesn’t come in.

I felt so present to the fact that I wanted to be completely tuned into my world.

Today, I am so grateful for that. For much of my life, I have let so much of the world go by, because I was too busy, too stressed, or too focused on something else, that I didn’t notice the sound of the water, or the rustling of the trees.

Today, I am tuned in, and turned on, totally by my world.

Sensing my world.

I took a brisk, refreshing walk on my lunch hour at work today. I have been doing this more often lately, and really enjoy the break in the middle of my day. Today, when I started out, the first thing that I noticed, besides the warm air, was the bright blue hue of the sky. It was tremendous. I couldn’t stop looking at it, so brilliant, so clear. No clouds anywhere to be seen.

It was truly amazing, one of the miracles of nature.

I tend to get almost obsessed about the sky, day and night. Sunrises, sunsets, clouds, or cloudless sky. Thunder clouds rolling in, or snow skies. Stars by the hundreds, and full moons. So, it wasn’t that unusual for me to see the sky, and really be taken in by it.

But then, something even more beautiful happened. I turned the corner of the area where I was walking, and was suddenly captured by a beautiful scent, almost Lily-like, in the air. It stayed with me for a couple of minutes, and although I looked around for where it might be coming from, I couldn’t determine the source. But it was sweet, and natural, and such a delight to catch as I was walking by.

I was truly sensing my world, in all ways.

My sight was so alive with the sky, the woods and all that there was to see on my path. My sense of smell was awakened by that sweet smell in the air. I could hear the music pounding from my Ipod, and felt connected to the songs. I felt the way that my feet hit the ground, as my new sneakers met with the street. I didn’t taste anything along the way, but thought about the abundance of berries in the early months of summer along this path.

Last night, while walking with my beloved, she pointed out to me the scents of the outdoors by her home, something that I might have easily missed in my haste to continue with our evening. It was so interesting, and invigorating to not miss it today, out in my world.

So, tap into those senses, as you wander through your day and walk in your own world. There is so much to be found.

Or, to be missed.

What I intend.

The power of intention is truly amazing to me. I mean, it has shown itself to work in my life many times over now. Yet, I continue to doubt it at times, and act like the things that work for me are just random, happenstance.

Not true at all.

Intention is so powerful, because it is us putting our energies, efforts, thoughts and heart in the direction of what it is that we want to see for ourselves. For me, I have done this in terms of my body, my career, and my love relationships. By getting crystal clear about what it is that I want to have in my life, I create it.

Now, it isn’t to say that it means, wishing on a star and then waiting for it. You have to really want it, I mean, more than anything. And, you have to know and believe that you are fully ready for it. So, if I were to intend making a million dollars in the next six months, chances are, it won’t happen for me. Not because of the amount, but because of the fact that I am sitting here, not really believing in the magic of that.

What I did believe in, just a few short weeks ago, was the magic of new love in my life. I had been toying around with the idea of another relationship, for a few months now. However, I was still hanging onto what might be, I was unsure, I was scared to move forward, and totally scared that I would not find the right person for me.

However, just last month, I knew one day that I was ready. I had written out my relationship dream, and I believed that I could actually have it.

And, then what happened? The dream came true.

There is great importance in being clear in what it is that we want to have in our lives, for sure. But, if we don’t believe in it, or believe that we may actually get to have it, that is us sending it in the other direction, away from us. To bring our dreams to fruition, and into our lives, we have to vision it, and fully believe in it.

And, believe me, it works.