What’s in the hopper.

According to mirriam-webster.com, one of the definitions of the word, “hopper”, is “a mix of things to be considered or done”.

That definitely applies for me and this particular post.

Over the last few years, I have gotten better and better at not worrying as frequently about various life issues. For many years, I would spend my car ride in the morning, on the way to work, with my stomach burning with all of the items that I would choose to worry on. Some of the favorite topics at the time included money, time, relationships, parenting, career, and family.

Not a light list, mind you. Truthfully, the list has never been light. LIFE is not light, in many respects. At least, it isn’t light when we don’t view it that way.

So, I worked really hard in the last two years to worry less, and let go more. And, I have been pretty successful, in shortening the time span that I allow myself to worry on something; and, I find myself worrying less overall about things, particularly those things that I have no control over.

Which, in all honesty, is most everything in my life. Anything or anyone, outside of me, is out of my control and doing their own thing.

So today, I managed to find something to worry about to start my day, that being, a conflict that I had with a loved one. I didn’t communicate clearly with this person, and it resulted in misunderstanding and assumptions, on my part. So, after worrying about it a bit this morning, I called this person to take some accountability, and to begin to heal the situation.

But, what is so interesting about me, is that once I felt like I had resolved and could let go of that situation, I found the next thing “in the hopper” that I could worry about.

Money. I no longer have a part time job, so I spent another portion of my day, thinking about scarcity; what if I don’t have enough to pay for what I need and want each month? What about Christmas? What about travelling?

I spent some time thinking on this until I could let go, and then, it was the next thing “in the hopper”.

The truth is, I have to beat myself at my own game here. Even though I resolve and feel better about issues more quickly than ever before, it is the sense that I like to have that worry about SOMETHING in my life, that is what is so annoying. Why should I want worry? Why not, surrender, ALL the time?

So, I am focusing more clearly than ever, on making messes, cleaning them up, and not worrying about that which I need to be surrendering, and trusting, and having faith that all will be well.

And, with some persistence, the hopper will be empty.

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