I have been very aware lately of my own process of developing deep trust in my life. That trust has been opening up with people, with my spiritual beliefs, and with what is happening in my life. It feels amazing more than scary, for a change.
And, in thinking about it, I realized that in the past, I always thought that I had deep trust, in other people for example. I used to view myself as very open about my information, and that I was willingly vulnerable and developing trust as to what would happen next.
The real truth is, in the past, what I called trust, was really a lack of boundaries. In years before now, I would disclose parts of myself, and even open myself up to new experiences. Yet, when I look back now, that often seemed to be when I was under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or if I felt a desperation to share something, out of fear of losing that person or situation. Does that make sense? So, in reflecting on that, it doesn’t feel like I was truly trusting at all.
It actually feels like I was just giving myself away.
What I am learning about trust, real, deep trust, is that it is a reciprocal process. It is me, trusting in the person, entity or process; as well as that being given back to me. It feels good and right to share, safe to disclose myself, totally free to be open and vulnerable, and not just an action out of fear of what would happen if I don’t share.
Trust for me now, is a part of me growing into my spiritual self.
I am learning that when I trust, I feel so good in it, even when it feels a bit scary. It feels solid, it feels right, it feels clean. My head and heart is clear, and open and ready to connect that deeply with my life.
So, I have boundaries in place, to be as self loving as I can. But, I also am more open and vulnerable in my life than I have ever been.
And, it feels fantastic.