This morning, I overslept. Not by much, but I was banking on a snow delay for my daughter’s school, and after having had a tough time falling asleep the night before, was excited to think of an extra hour of zzzzz’s. So, when I did jump out of bed, I had many things to handle, before I got us out the door. Making dinner and putting it in the crock pot; shower; breakfast; coffee…… a long list, to say the least.
In my fast mode, I didn’t feel attentive to my morning; I felt rushed. There was no doubt that I did have less time than usual, yet, even when I have less time, I have been concentrating on being in the moments that I do have available to me, and being fully present in them. Instead of being present, I felt like I was giving sound bytes, of small portions of what I wanted to say. A shortened “I love you” to “Love you!”; a synopsis of my day; an invitation to dinner on my way out the door. Not present at all.
Now, the rush of the early morning didn’t have a deep negative impact on my personal relationships; we all realize the nature of what we were dealing with, and just went along with it. However, I thought as I drove my way to work, about the slippery slope that I could easily find myself on if I didn’t catch it and deal with it.
The slope is made up of issues such as complacency, disconnection, and taking people for granted. It would be very easy to begin to get into the habit, with my daughter and in my relationship, of going on auto pilot, and not paying attention to those details that keep relationships thriving. Details like deeply listening when someone is talking to me; answering questions with more than one or two word answers; sitting down and being present. Although I know that I have all of these behaviors in place in my relationships, this morning was a reminder of how I have been in the past.
Now, in my defense, I have been that way in the past as a result of trying to be super human, to do several things at once, and be much less effective at any of them. I say in my defense, because at the time, it felt like it was all just part of what happens when you are busy living your life and getting it all done. Today, I want to build my life on a deeper, more meaningful foundation than that. I don’t want it to be how many things I can fit into the moments, but rather, making the moments count for their full value, no matter what is going on.
I don’t want complacency, taking for granted, or disconnection to be part of my relationships. Today, I got a clear reminder of what I have had, and don’t want anymore. I want connection. Deep meaning. Attention and affection and time.
I want to make the most of my days, no matter how many days that means.