Honesty before Clarity.

Last August, I had been in the Coach in Training program for two years. I was getting ready to graduate, I had clients, and I was deeply committed to the methodology. Then, one day, I really got honest, and realized, more like admitted, that I didn’t want to do it. That although helping others manage their own lives is great work, I decided it was not for me, not as a coach anyway. When I came to that decision, and said it out loud, I felt free, clear and able to create the bigger vision for myself.

When I got honest, I got clarity.

Sometimes, I have avoided making new choices, or moving forward in my life, because I didn’t have a clear picture in my mind of what I wanted, so to me that meant that in the meantime, I should do nothing. I also thought that I had to get clarity, and be absolutely clear about what I wanted, or where I wanted to go next in my life, before I could tell the world, tell those around me, or even be honest with myself.

This week, I have been thinking about this a great deal, and I don’t believe it anymore, that clarity comes before getting honest. The truth is, about the truth, that if we don’t get honest with those around us, or, especially ourselves, about what it is that we want, or don’t want, we can’t ever get clarity.

When we are hiding our true feelings, for instance, about being unhappy in a romantic relationship, we won’t have absolute clarity about what to do next, whether that be stay in it or leave it. To me, that is because when I am not honest about my feelings, ESPECIALLY with myself, there is a fog that lingers in my mind and my heart about what to do next. There is confusion.

Also, when I am not being honest, I hold onto all of those icky feelings of guilt, shame, negativity toward myself about deceiving other people. I get mad at myself for trying to pull one over on me.

I don’t want to have those lingering feelings anymore in my life. I want to create deep, honest relationships with everyone around me. There is no time or need for dishonesty, or withholding, or pretending to be someone that I am not. And, the big payoff is, that I get to then have complete, crystal clear clarity of where I want my life to go.

Clarity doesn’t mean that I always know the how. So, I may know where I want to go, without having a precise idea of how I will get there. Clarity doesn’t mean how; it just means the destination, the final stop. The how comes as I start and continue on my journey to the goal.

Today, I recommit to being honest with those around me, and remember that only by keeping that honesty present will I have a clear vision of where I want my life to be.



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