We all have issues that come up in our lives, that we can either face or ignore. Most often, the issues are related to fear, things that we are most afraid of.
So now, in the relationship of my life, I am no different. I still have things that I need to face up to, and there are some fears that we both have that we get to look at together. The big one that we both get to look at, is age.
From the time that I met her, I knew that Brenda was special, and the right person for me. She is warm, compassionate, funny, sweet, smart, and beautiful. Yet, before we met, I was sure that she only wanted to be friends, because of the difference in age between us.
A whopping 18 years.
Caring about her so deeply felt scary to me. Not because of falling in love; but because I am so many years older than her. I have cried about it, felt strange about it, and self conscious about it at times. I have been asked several times if she is my daughter. I have wondered about hair color and wrinkles and all of the normal results that aging brings.
My biggest fear? Is what other people think of me. How I will be viewed by the outside world, for falling in love and being in a relationship with a younger person.
Brenda carries her own stuff about this as well, and we decided, as we do with many things, that the best, most loving way to deal with this, is to say, SO WHAT? So what if I am older? If she is younger? If people think if I am her mother? If she looks younger than she is? So what?
We stood in front of a mirror this weekend together, and really looked. Looked in to see what others do. We see that I am older, and she is younger. And gray hair, and wrinkles, and youth and age. We also see the reality that I AM old enough to her her mother, and for her to be my daughter.
What else do we see? A love that is amazing, inspiring and creative. A love that is eternal and that isn’t bound but what others think, or what we fear. A love that transcends all of that and flies on the breeze.
When I want to be afraid, and make it all about others, I am learning to say, so what? So I can reap the benefits of this amazing life I am creating.